


Hand Of Fate

by Claretgirl16



Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2019-08-27 18:32:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 29,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16707808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Claretgirl16/pseuds/Claretgirl16
Summary: This is just a little something I thought I'd have a go at writing, since I've heard the idea wanting to be done a couple of times in the fandom, due to a wonderful edit of Joan as a Detective a little while ago (she looks amazing as a Detective btw!).I hope you enjoy reading what I've put together here and feedback would be welcome.Enjoy!





	1. Chapter 1

It'd been one of those days.  
A hellish day at Wentworth.  
One where everything could've gone wrong.  
Staff sickness, which meant staff shortage, prisoners causing trouble, being awkward and just generally hard work.  
Then every man and his dog, wanting a piece of Vera.  
Wishing she could just change her name at a certain point during the day.  
That or wanting to scream at them all to fuck off.

 

So instead of actually screaming that, she'd taken herself home, changed into her jeans and a jumper, changed her shoes and then grabbed her keys and purse, plus her coat and headed into town to one of the quiet bars, one she knew that wouldn't be too busy on a Tuesday night, one she'd been to the odd time before and quite liked.

 

Leaving her car at home, she walked to the bar.  
Needing the walk to try and clear her head.  
Clear it of all the shit that'd mashed it today.  
Reaching the door of the bar, she paused for a few seconds and then stepped inside, moving over to the bar and ordering herself a glass of wine, taking said glass and then finding a corner table and sitting at it.  
The first glass of wine went down easily, almost as if it was water.  
And how good it felt.  
The chilled liquid soothing her throat and then system as it disappeared from the glass.

 

Back to the bar she went, only this time she returned to her table with a bottle of wine and having ordered a bar snack, well she needed to eat something and she could manage this.  
And so her night began.  
Well as much as it could do when you've had a shit day and are sat in a bar on your own, drinking a bottle of wine to yourself and eating bar snacks.  
The wine doing its job of loosening the tension of the day.  
Washing away the stresses and idiots that had felt like they seeped into her pores today.  
Her ears no longer hearing the echo of everyone shouting her name, this peace and quiet allowing the governor to close her eyes momentarily to enjoy the soft piano music that was drifting out of one of the speakers above her head.  
Bliss.  
One word.  
Bliss.

 

After a couple of hours of finishing her bottle of wine and food, then looking at the time, she decided that maybe she should be heading home, especially as the bar was closing soon.  
Lifting herself off the chair, her legs feeling somewhat less stable than they did when she'd first walked in the bar, but in a good way, she made her way out of the main doors, her purse in hand and attempting to zip up her coat she felt someone bump into her, the next thing she knew her purse was being snatched out of her hand and the guy had taken off running down the street, she herself landing on the floor from the force of him.  
"That's my purse!" she shouted hoarsely into the street watching him run away.

 

Then someone else.  
A figure sprinting past her, creating a breeze as they did so and by god were they sprinting, so much so that they'd created quite draft as they went past her as she sat on the pavement in a heap.  
Well that's it then.  
I've succeeded in losing my purse, all my cards and money, just great, robbed as I came out of the bar.  
They must have seen me coming out.  
Seen me zipping my coat up.  
That really is the icing on the cake.  
Just the way to finish off a shit day.  
Getting robbed.  
For fucks sake!

 

"I do believe this is yours" the voice from beside her said, looking up from the floor, Vera wandered her eyes up from the black, leather Chelsea boots, the dark blue, slim fit jeans, the belt with a gold badge on a leather patch, peeking out from under the navy, fitted blazer, with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, a black top camisole underneath, brown eyes looking down at her from the curtain of dark hair around the face. Vera's purse in her hand that she was showing to her, as she leaned down to help the smaller woman up off the floor, a strong arm around Vera's shoulders, easily lifting her to her feet, and then passing her the item Vera thought she'd never see again.

 

"T...Thank you, how did you...are you a pol..." glancing to the other woman and then at her purse, the man who'd taken it nowhere to been seen, it just being the two of them stood on the pavement.  
"A police officer yes, Detective Sergeant Ferguson, Joan" she smiled kindly down at Vera, the smaller woman realising just how tall Joan was now they were stood by side.

 

Fuck she's tall.  
In a good way.  
No wonder there was a draft when she ran past, the speed of her legs after him.

 

"V...Vera B..Bennett" taking hold of the outstretched hand offered to her and shaking it.  
"Nice to meet you Vera, you're not injured or anything are you?" wanting to make sure that there were no serious injuries and the other woman wasn't hurt.  
Vera shook her head, no.  
"I'm ok thank you, just a couple of small grazes on my hands".  
"Can I offer you a lift home?" she wanted to make sure the other woman was safe after her incident.  
"Oh you've...you've...I've taken up enough of your time already tonight" not wanting to put Joan out anymore than she felt she had.  
"Are you sure, my car is just there, I'd like to make sure you got home safely after your ordeal tonight, it'd put my mind at rest" again that little smile, almost willing Vera to let her take her home, a silent plea of sorts, it made Vera give a little smile back in response.  
"Ok then, as... as long as you're sure".  
"Positive" leading Vera to the passenger front side of the car, opening the car door for her and waiting for her to get in and then closing it behind her, making her way around to the driver's side, and getting in, heading off in the direction of Vera's house.

 

As soon as she'd pulled up outside their destination, Joan was quickly out of the car and once again opening the car door for Vera and then shutting it again after.  
"I'll wait until you're safely in the house" pulling a small card holder wallet from inside her suit coat hidden pocket, releasing a small white card from it and then handing it to Vera as she put the wallet back. "My card, just in case you need anything" seeing the smaller woman smile shyly at her.  
"T..Thank you Joan" Joan nodding in acknowledgement of her answer, Vera turning her back to walk up her drive and to her front door, getting her key out of her jean pocket and turning it in the lock, half looking back as she did at the older woman, Joan still stood resting against her car, only this time she was at her driver's side, still watching Vera as she said she would.

 

Stepping into the house and closing the front door, Vera locked it and then looked through the glass side panel next to the door, her eyes meeting the other woman's who were now looking at her through the passenger side window as she sat in the driver's side, silently letting her know that she was safely in the house.  
With a final nod of her head and a warm smile, Joan pulled away in her car and headed out of sight down Vera's street, leaving the smaller woman stood in her hallway looking down at the printed card she'd been given not five minutes ago, the name for some reason stood out more than anything else to her eyes.  
Detective Sergeant Joan Ferguson.


	2. Chapter 2

She'd looked over the card at breakfast, slipped it in her suit coat pocket leaving the house that morning, and now she was in her office doing some paperwork, the card had made another appearance from said pocket, as her blue eyes roved over the name printed in black ink, the strong name.  
Detective Sergeant Joan Ferguson.

 

Vera wanted to say thank you somehow, thank her for the trouble she felt she'd gone to in running after that man, managing to get her purse back with everything still in it, including her money and then dropping her off home, insisting she wanted her to be safely back home.  
But what kind of thank you, how do you say thank you for this kind of action.

 

Flowers are nice, but not everyone likes flowers.  
A card, nice but not personal.  
A drink, too much?  
A coffee, lunch?  
That's about in the middle of nice but not too overly weird.  
She could offer to buy her lunch.  
Couldn't she?  
Come on Vera.  
It's simply lunch with the woman who saved your purse and money.  
That's all.  
A personal, but simple thank you.  
Just bloody ring.  
Ring the goddamn number.

 

Taking her phone from her desk drawer, she opened the number keypad, pausing for a few seconds and then typing in the number from the card, taking a deep breath as it began to ring.  
After the third ring it was answered.

 

"Hello?".  
"H...Hello, is this...is this Detective Ferguson?" suddenly realising she'd dialled her direct number, what a way to start the conversation Bennett!  
"Yeah this is her, may I ask who this is?".  
"It...It's...It's Vera...Vera Bennett, the...the woman from.." not being able to finish her sentence before Joan spoke.  
"I remember exactly who you are, the lady whose purse I rescued".

 

Lady.  
Me.  
Being called a lady.

 

"Y..Yes that's right. Well I was just ringing because..well..it might sound a bit strange but..well..I wanted to thank you, properly, in person and was...was just wondering if I could buy you lunch as a thank you, if you don't want to I completely understand, I just thought..".  
"That'd be nice thank you, today?".  
"Oh erm...well..yes if you'd like, today".

 

With arrangements made for them to meet at lunchtime at one of the cities, rustic, yet relaxed coffee shops, Vera put down the call and continued with her work until it was time to leave and meet Joan.

 

Having found a table and ordered food, a little bit of small talk had started, Joan sensing something didn't quite feel right in terms of Vera, the younger woman seemed, what's the word...tense?  
"Is everything ok, are you ok?" frowning softly towards the woman sat across from her, Vera's blue eyes looking straight at her.  
"Yes..Yes I'm fine, I'm just...just not very good at this, this small talk, I get awkward and then people usually tell me that I'm hard work, one of the joys of being somewhat shy, I'm sorry" her eyes conveying her sincerity and how genuine she was.  
"I don't consider it hard work, I'd call it endearing personally" watching a blush rise in Vera's cheeks at the comment, it obviously not at all what she was expecting Joan to say to her.

 

How it happened or when she couldn't really say, but as their food arrived and both women dissolved into silence as they ate, Vera found herself looking more at the woman across from her, the woman who'd removed her suit coat to put over the back of her chair when they'd first sat down, to leave her in a pale blue, slim fit shirt, that was tucked into her dark blue jeans, black Chelsea boots like she had the other night, that long dark hair once again loose around her shoulders, but swept back out of her face by the woman herself before she'd started eating, Time and time again she had to force herself to stop looking and actually continue eating her food, internally scolding herself to stop it.

 

Again she glanced up from her salad bowl only this time it was slightly different.  
A pair of brown eyes were looking back at her.  
Joan had caught her looking at her.  
Nice going Vera.  
Very well done.

 

Swallowing the mouthful of food she had, she looked worriedly at Joan, taking a sip of her glass of water, watching the older woman giving her a knowing smile, a smile that seemed to say 'I know you've been looking at me'.  
"I...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to look, you probably think all sorts of me now, and I wouldn't blame you. I...I'm really sorry" the older woman watching the tension creep over Vera's face, it being plain to see the awkwardness once again set in, the shyness, not actually knowing where to put herself now she'd been 'caught'.

 

Slowly Joan shook her head, the smile still on her lips as she spoke.  
"You don't have to apologise, not when you look like you do" as if on a timer, the shy hue at the comment was once again on the younger woman's cheek, what was that two nil to Joan now?

 

Food and drinks all paid for, Joan slipped her coat back on as they left the coffee shop, both finishing the conversation they'd been having about how nice the food was and then Joan thanking Vera for the thoughtful gesture, even though it wasn't necessary, Vera telling her that she wanted to say thank you properly to her, in person.

 

"Ok then, well...I'd better be heading back, work is waiting as they say" Vera said, hearing the other woman speak just before she turned to face the direction of her car.  
"I was wondering, if I could maybe take you out sometime?" the offer delivered so smoothly, easily, not forced at all.

 

Not quite believing what she'd just heard, Vera paused on the spot, her head talking incoherent nonsense at that exact moment, having to prevent herself for actually vocalising it, she thought that Joan had been subjected to enough of her mumbling for one day.   
Slowly Vera turned back to face the other woman, her eyes not quite on the floor, but definitely not looking up at Joan yet, fully aware that brown eyes were on her, silently watching her, waiting on her.

 

Another few seconds of pausing from the governor and then her eyes were rising, up Joan's legs, her torso and then to her face, her softly smiling face to be exact, Vera feeling her own cheeks rise into a smile, it seems she couldn't help this either.  
"Erm...yes, ok...thank....thank you" seeing Joan nod in acknowledgement of her answer.  
"Great, I'll text you, thank you again for a lovely lunch" flashing a wider smile at Vera and then she was the one turning on her heels and striding down the road to head back into work.

 

Nothing.  
No words.  
Not a peep from Vera.  
She stood, on the pavement, watching Joan disappear around the corner a little way down the street, her mind processing what just had occurred.  
Did she really just ask me that?


	3. Chapter 3

Arriving at the younger woman's house, Joan picked up Vera and then started heading for the restaurant, the passenger not exactly the most talkative during the journey.  
Parking in a space not far from the door, Joan took off her seat belt and then looked to the younger woman as she whispered.  
"I erm...I don't...I don't know if I can do this now" her voice just about heard, it fortunate it was quiet or she may not have been heard at all.  
Joan frowned softly, confused.  
"What do you mean exactly?".

 

Nothing.  
Not a word from Vera for a few seconds.  
Closing her eyes as if gathering her thoughts and preparing herself.  
How do you say something like this?  
How am I meant to say something like this?  
And to her.  
Her of all people.

 

Taking a deep breath she attempted some kind of explanation that would be understood.  
"I've..I've never...I've never....never actually done this before" closing her eyes and then opening them, feeling the embarrassment heat up her cheeks.

 

'This'.  
'This' at a guess I'm taking to be being out with another woman?  
That's my guess at the subject that she's talking about.  
It seems to make sense in my head.

 

Joan paused for a few minutes as she run these thoughts through her head, thinking of the best way to answer this admittance.  
"Well...I'm thinking that how about, how about we go into the restaurant, sit down and maybe order a drink and take things from there, see how you feel about things, and then if you want to leave and go home, I'll take you, no pressure and no questions asked" Vera turning to her and giving a little nod of her head.  
"Ok then" she replied, both women getting out of the car, Joan opening the main door of the restaurant and stepping aside for Vera to go in first.

 

Both of them ordered drinks and then the waiter brought them over, each woman taking a little sip, Joan taking the lead and starting a conversation with some small talk, thinking it may help to ease Vera's nerves and help her.  
There was something about the older woman, she seemed to give off a calming and relaxed presence, so much so that Vera mentioned about them ordering food, which Joan was more than happy to do.  
"May I say you look very nice in your dress" Joan murmured softly, the sincere and genuine comment bringing a blush to Vera's cheeks, the younger woman briefly dipping her head and then looking back at Joan, thanking her, as she saw the older woman smile.

 

Spending time like this with Joan tonight, Vera had come to notice she felt a certain way, something she'd never felt before.  
Joan's honesty and genuine nature made her feel like she was the only woman in the room in this exact moment, that she had got Joan's full attention, that the other woman isn't remotely interested or listening to anyone else in that room, no one having given her this at all in her life, it gave her butterflies, good butterflies.  
Half way through eating their food, both women making more conversation and finding out that little bit more about each other, Vera made a comment she seemed unable to not make.  
"I erm...I just wanted to let you know that I'm glad that I came out tonight" seeing Joan smile happily back at her, her brown eyes creasing as she did so.  
"I'm glad that you did too and that you're still here" this making Vera smile, and she was pleased she had, Joan made her feel calm, like her company was wanted and that she was genuinely interested in listening to her and getting to know her, something she'd not experienced before.

 

All the food enjoyed and the plates being taken away by the waiter, Joan asked him for the bill, as he walked away she watched the smaller woman go to pick her handbag up from her feet under the table.  
"And you'll be leaving your purse in your handbag too" the comment drawing Vera's eyes back to her.  
"But...I need to pay for my half" watching Joan shake her head.  
"No you don't, you'll be paying nothing, I invited you out for dinner and therefore I'll take care of the bill, I want to and I insist, please" a hint of pleading in her eyes, that she didn't want Vera to pay anything, imploring the younger woman to let her.  
So Vera did, thanking Joan again, so not used to someone else paying for it all, this is what happens when someone is nice to you is it?

 

Making their way outside and then to Joan's car, she opened the door and then closed it when Vera was comfortable in the passenger seat, the older woman very consistent in her chivalry and manners, something Vera had become very aware of being part of the older woman's nature, she just seemed to do it, that it was automatic and natural to her, a nice quality.  
Brown eyes on the road, the radio on low in the car, Joan cleared her throat lightly as she drove.  
"If I may say, I think that you're a very attractive woman and you shouldn't let anyone tell you any different. But if for some reason they do, then you just point them in my direction and I'll be more than happy to set them straight" and she would have done too, the fact Vera had for whatever reason been made to think she wasn't attractive or similar didn't sit well with Joan, especially as she could see how nice Vera was as a person.

 

There was something about Joan speaking like this and how she'd treated Vera since meeting her that made Vera open up that little bit more in the car then and there.  
Blue eyes on the road, Vera thought about the words and then starting saying them.

 

"No one...no one has ever treated me as you have tonight, with such respect and manners" a side look at the corner of her eyes as she waited for Joan's response, not having to worry about what the woman in the driver's seat would say.  
"It's how I think you deserve to be treated, these other people who haven't behaved this way towards you are all idiots".  
"There hasn't....there hasn't exactly been many 'other people' at all, probably due to the way I am, be it shy, not the most attractive, loud etc" seeing the older woman pull up outside her house, put the handbrake on, take off her seatbelt and then turn in her seat so she could properly look at Vera.  
"All these things these people have claimed not too have 'liked' are the very things I do like. I find them endearing and attractive in regards to you" catching Vera's surprised expression flash across her face that someone has turned around all the things others have said were negative about her, and said the complete opposite.  
"I...I erm....you're...you're a rather attractive woman..." Vera whispered shyly, never had she voiced this to another woman before ever, but she wanted to be honest with Joan, like Joan had with her.  
This compliment lit up Joan's face, a little pink hue to her cheeks.  
"Coming from yourself, who you know I find attractive, it's a big compliment and I just wanted to tell you that I enjoyed our dinner tonight very much, so thank you" before getting out of the car as did Vera, meeting the younger woman on the passenger side and walking with her to her front door, her eyes watching as Vera found her key in her handbag and then stepped inside her home, the step up into the house bringing their heights level as they looked at one another, Vera finding herself wandering her eyes over Joan's face and features.

 

In silence, Joan slowly leans forward and very gently kisses Vera on the cheek and then returns to her previous position, the softness of the action bringing a tingle to Vera's body, a warmth too, as they both lock eyes again.  
Vera moistened her lips and then gave a little swallow, still looking at Joan.  
"Erm....I...I erm...I don't suppose...I don't suppose you'd consider going out with me again sometime would you?" she whispered, the tone of her question expressing her shyness and uncertainty of what Joan may think of such a question.

 

She need not have worried.  
As soon as the question hit Joan's ears.  
A smile appeared.  
A beaming smile that changed into a soft grin.

 

"Just you try and stop me" came the reassuring reply, cue Vera's worried expression softening into her own smile, the tension dissolving from her face.


	4. Chapter 4

The following afternoon, Vera was sat in her office, her shift drawing to a close, just finishing off some paperwork that had been handed to her after dinner, her mind going over her and Joan's dinner the night before and how the older woman had behaved with her, as well as the kiss that had been planted on her cheek as they were saying goodbye.

 

This being something she could say she'd not had happen to her before.  
An action so tender.  
So respectful.  
Someone with such manners.  
And manners towards her.

 

The memory of this moment the night before causing her hand to go to that exact spot and it touch it, the vision and feeling of what it felt like flooding her mind, as well as the things that Joan had said to her, the way the older woman had told her how attractive she was, that she'd sort out anyone who'd said any different, that she herself had voiced to Joan that she found her attractive too, so much so that she'd mentioned about Joan going out with her again.

 

Maybe this was a trigger.  
Hit some kind of nerve.  
A nerve inside her.  
A nerve that made her resolve crack.  
Totally crack.

 

Something to make Vera be up off her office chair, gathering her belongings and out of the office, then out of the building, to her car and driving to the station where Joan worked.

 

Making her way into the main reception, she crossed to the front desk and nicely asked the young woman behind said desk for Joan, the girl telling Vera she'd see if she was available. A quick phone call later and Vera was informed that Joan was on her way down and that Vera could take a seat in the waiting area if she wanted too.

 

Deciding not to take a seat Vera simply stood next to the seats, a few minutes later seeing a familiar smiling figure dressed in her dark jeans, pale grey shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbows, customary Chelsea boots come through the security doors at the side of the reception striding towards the smaller woman, her smile quickly fading as she saw Vera's rather serious expression, guiding the smaller woman into one of the free interview rooms to the left of the waiting area, wanting to find out the reason for such a serious expression.

 

"Is everything ok?" Joan asked after a few minutes of silence, making sure the door was indeed closed properly, she wanted a degree of privacy for them both, then falling silent again as she looked at the other woman.

 

The silence seemed to push Vera to talk.  
Kick her into spewing words into the atmosphere, blurting them in quite a rushed and hurried fashion to the unsuspecting woman stood not three feet away from her.

 

"We can't....we can't do this anymore, we can't see each other..." swallowing, refilling her lungs with air before continuing again. "It's....it's not right.." her eyes filling with tears that cause them to glaze over, a bewildered and confused Joan looking on, her own brown eyes wandering over the flustered and upset figure in front of her.

 

The distress and nerves she could feel coming off Vera in waves.  
The woman in front of her agitated, uneasy.  
Not to mention seeing the smaller woman's chest heaving due to the pace of her speaking, and her breath not being able to catch up quick enough, the only chance it getting is when she stopped speaking to gather herself and then going again.

 

"Just not right..." Vera finished with a gasp, stifling the tears that threatened to spill over onto her cheeks with a hand to her mouth, her head dipping to try and hide her face from Joan's gaze, even though at this point in time it seemed futile as the taller woman had not moved her gaze the entire time Vera had been in the room, Vera opening the door with her free hand and dashing from the room and then the building, the door swinging almost fully closed behind her.

 

Leaving a totally confused and upset Joan in her wake, the older woman's eyes seeing the departing figure of Vera through the swinging blinds on the window of the room she was stood in, anchored to the floor or at least that's how it felt to her, the younger woman speed walking away from the building, her hand still across her mouth, and then all Joan could see was her back, then nothing as Vera turned the corner and out of view, gone.

 

Then it was Joan's turn to feel tears prick the corner of her eyes, clearing her throat and swiping at them, another swallow to try and rid the rising and expanding lump that had appeared in her throat, but it didn't have the desired effect and she desperately stifled a sob that was trying to escape, just managing to catch it in time, mirroring Vera's hand over her mouth.

 

Her mind spinning.  
Trying to join the dots of what had just been said.  
Make some kind of sense of them if that was possible.  
What had just occurred in front of her.   
What?  
What the fuck?  
What the fuck just happened?  
What did I do?


	5. Chapter 5

Back at home that night sleep wasn't forthcoming, truth be told it wasn't happening for the governor at all, not when her mind was replaying every single second of that afternoons events, all that had been said and happened at the police station with Joan, the look of utter confusion and upset on the older woman's face, she not having any clue what was going on, Vera not giving her any clues, she'd simply walked in and then spewed words at her like a Gatling gun, the rate of fire too fast for even her brilliant Detective brain to comprehend then and there, Vera not offering her any chance at all.

 

Not even bothering to look at the time, Vera got up and put her uniform on, sorting her hair and then headed into work, it was a little light out, so it wasn't totally the middle of the night, maybe heading towards daylight, who cares, what does it matter, she wasn't sleeping tonight.

 

Heading through the security not engaging in much conversation and they didn't bother either, given the time it was 3am in the morning, she headed upstairs and to her office, getting some paperwork out of one of her desk drawers and attempting to start to work through it, at least here in her office she could get some quiet, the officers on duty taking care of any little issues that may crop up, not that they should at this hours, the prisoners should all be in bed still and fast asleep, lucky for them actually being able to sleep, even in a prison!

 

Keeping herself to herself in her office for the next couple of hours, some may have called it hiding if they'd have been asked and knew the circumstances, she continued to work through the bits of paperwork that had been outstanding from the previous day, yes we know now why they hadn't been done, she'd left them and gone to make a mess of things elsewhere instead.

 

A knock at her door happened and then it was pushed open, another familiar voice breaking the silence she'd been basking in for the past hours.  
"Vera, what are you doing here?" Vera looking up to see Will, the deputy governor with a rather puzzled look on his face, seems she was getting rather good at causing people to look confused and puzzled lately.

 

"Erm working?!" came the blunt and snappy answer from her, it being that reactive of her that Will's eyebrows hit his hairline almost immediately, not used to this tone from her.  
"Well given the fact that you're meant to be on your couple of days off that you'd booked a while ago, and I'm covering these days, I do find it odd that you're sat at your desk at 5am in the morning. Given your response just now maybe it'd be better if you were at home with that mood you've currently found yourself in" his tone firm and eyes on Vera, not giving into her reactive response, not in the mood himself at this time in the morning, it was too early to get into it with her or anyone.

 

Putting the papers back into her desk drawer and with somewhat of a huff of defeat, because she knew what he was saying was right and she couldn't really argue with him, Vera silently nodding her acceptance, a way of letting him know that she was going home, she rose from her office chair, around the desk, grabbing her phone from said desk as she did, she headed past him and through her door, mumbling a quiet 'sorry' as she exited, knowing she was in the wrong and that it wasn't his fault she was here and in such a bad mood.

 

Back through the prison and security she went, exiting the building once again, crossing the car park and getting into the drivers' seat of her car. As soon as the door was shut her head was in her hands leaning on the steering wheel, eyes closed, wishing the seat would just swallow her up then and there.

 

Stupid woman you are.  
Bloody stupid.  
It wasn't his fault.  
It was yours.  
Yet you snapped at him.  
Reacted because you'd gotten it wrong.  
Because you've gotten quite a few things wrong recently.  
The main one being with Joan.

 

She was the one who'd forgotten she was off for the next few days, her mind had been that preoccupied with what had happened with Joan, with the look on the other woman's face, the pain that ghosted over those attractive features, into those brown eyes, bewilderment at what Vera had told her, told her and then ran, dashed out of that room without any real explanation.

 

"Fucking stupid" she cursed, hitting the steering wheel with her palm, cursing herself, cursing for her mood with Will, her exchange with Joan, all of it, everything.  
Clicking her seatbelt in and then turning the key in the ignition, she set off for home, just as she was making her way away from the prison, an image of Joan flashed across her mind, as clear as if the woman was there with her at that very moment, the first time that night that she'd seen her when Joan was helping her up off the floor, handing her purse back to her, making sure she was alright, being kind.

 

"Stop it Vera" again hitting the wheel underneath her hands. "It's done now, it's all done, you saw to that yesterday. It wasn't right to spending time like that with her, with another woman, and now you won't have too, not that you were good enough for her anyway, not someone like her, someone who is so highly thought of in the police, someone who could probably get, literally any woman she wanted, she can't be held back by the likes of you" sighing to herself at her rambling, flicking the radio on so her own voice would be stilled, her thoughts made quiet if only for the journey home.

 

On the surface she was saying all these things, but deep down, deep in her soul she knew that there wasn't anything wrong with it, that she had enjoyed her time with Joan, and all this was her trying to suppress her feelings, her emotions, the fact she's not the most confident and that she feels Joan could do so much better than spending time with someone as 'inexperienced' as her, not that she'd asked the woman herself these things, she'd just done it, made the decision for them both, and now it was over Joan was probably more than glad that she was out of the mess that is Vera Bennett.


	6. Chapter 6

The first half of the day had gone past in quite a daze for Joan, she'd been in her office, maybe a bit of her hiding due to wanting to be alone for a while, not see anyone after the previous events she'd been involved with with Vera. So that's why she'd camped in her office for most of the morning and staying in here now it was afternoon, she had administration and computer work to be doing for a case she'd been working on at the moment, so that gave her a big reason to be in her office, the door closed, on her own, out of the teams way.

 

While her mind was on the job in front of her, it was also still trying to process what had happened with Vera, the conversation and then the dismissal of them spending any more time together, that the younger woman had put a stop too, no rhyme or reason, just stopped it, ended it, done.

 

Rubbing her forehead, she glanced down at her phone beside her on the desk, in two minds whether or not she should contact Vera, but then thinking better of it, realising that if Vera had wanted the contact then she should've made the first move, Joan herself still smarting over the abrupt nature of their conversation and Vera's departure, shaking her head to herself at even thinking about lifting the phone to Vera.

 

Come on Ferguson.  
Back to work.  
Focus on work.  
Forget her.  
Forget all about her.  
It's not worth it.  
Easier said than done.  
Especially when she liked the younger woman.  
Thought there was something unique about her.  
And when she told Joan that she found her attractive too.  
Did she really now, or was that just for show?  
I thought she could be different.  
She feels like a unique woman.  
Felt Joan, felt.  
Past tense remember.

 

Looking at her watch on her left wrist, seeing it was almost time for her shift to finish, she decided she had had enough for one day, giving herself permission to leave now, one perk of being the boss of the team. Organising her things to the relevant piles and then grabbing the essentials she needed to take with her, she emerged from her office, walking through the main office and telling the rest of her team she was taking a bit of an early finish today if that was alright with them all, the day having not been too busy. They all told her it was fine and they'd see her after her couple of rest days she was due to have coming up tomorrow.

 

Heading downstairs through the station and then out of the back entrance, not even bothering heading for her car right away, she needed a drink, so to the bar she went, straight to the bar man and asking for a shot of vodka, climbing up onto one of the stools as soon as she'd ordered, her money on the bar before a drop of the clear liquid he'd even poured.

 

Yes she needed a drink.  
A strong one.  
Now.

 

As she downed the small shot glass of vodka still thoughts of Vera whirred in her head, everything that had happened since their first random meeting and then how much of a nice dinner they'd had together, and then Vera asking her to go out again, all this to then that same woman coming into the station and saying that all that needed to end, that they shouldn't see each other anymore.

 

Not being able to understand or even try to decipher what the 'problem' or issue was that had made Vera come to this sudden decision, this inability to 'see' what was going on and even how to try and solve it added to her feelings of frustration and upset, the light churning she was feeling in her stomach.

 

Feeling like maybe the bar wasn't the best place to be when she was in this frame of mind, she was just beginning to get up from the stool when a woman, about Vera's age, maybe slightly younger, but a little taller stood beside her at the bar, said woman give Joan a wandering look up and down and then smiling, obviously liking what she was seeing.

 

"Can I buy you a drink?" she cooed softly, watching as the older woman thought for a few seconds and then accepted her offer, asking if she could have another one of what she'd just had, this seeming to please the younger woman.

 

Making herself comfortable on the free stool beside Joan, the younger woman passed her the second shot of vodka whilst sipping from her own glass of wine, both women then starting to engage in basic small talk about their days, nothing too much or heavy given the circumstances, during this conversation, Joan mainly had her eyes forward at the bar, occasionally glancing to the woman at her side so she didn't seem totally rude, although given her current mood that would've been easy to do, very easy, especially to a stranger. 

 

So they continued to speak, Joan letting said woman lead most of the conversation, she seemed to be able to say enough for the both of them, so that made things slighter easier on the Detectives part.

 

After she'd finished her shot and then the other woman had paused enough to drink some of her wine, Joan thanked her for the drink, rising from the stool and heading for the door to leave. It was only when she stepped outside into the night air that she heard the other woman beside her, she'd followed her out, oh the joys.

 

It was like someone had hit the slow motion button then and there, without so much of a word, the younger woman stepped forward into the personal space of Joan and attempted to kiss her, to make the biggest pass of her, one of the biggest Joan could honestly say she'd ever been a part of, this woman certainly wasn't shy that's for sure!

 

Joan stopped her, firm hands on the woman's shoulders holding her firmly away from any contact with her lips or any other part of her, the front and aggression of the woman wasn't appealing at all, the complete opposite of Vera. 

 

Vera was shy, quiet, sensitive, not the most confident in herself or how she looked, but to Joan this was endearing, because it was honest, it was who Vera was, Joan was able to see the woman herself, not like this idiot in front of her, this woman who thought that by buying her a shot of vodka it meant that somehow she was going to be able or allowed to lock lips with her or get close to her, no, no and no again, not a chance!

 

All she could and had been thinking of is Vera, even with this woman next to her and then making such a clumsy and forward pass at her, her mind was still filled with thoughts of Vera.

 

"No, it's not going to happen" came the firm statement from the Detective, her brown eyes with a serious and firm gaze to them as they looked at the younger woman, this answer gaining a huff from said woman.

 

"Oh come on you know that you want to" tried the woman again, Joan having removed her hands from her shoulders and began to walk away.

 

Stopping and turning back to the woman she fixed her with her brown eyes once again, holding the stare for a few seconds, in silence and then turned her back on the woman and set off walking again, she was going to walk home, for one she'd had a drink, too many to drive and two her head and psyche could do with the air and breathing space, anything to try and clear the spinning thoughts of a woman who after the recent events shouldn't still be there, but she was.


	7. Chapter 7

It seems that Vera thought she'd been doing quite a good job at keeping her facade up, by pretending she was totally fine, that everything was 'normal', she'd come into work and nothing had been said to her, nor any comments made regarding her seeming 'different' so she'd carried on her work, not thinking too much about it due to no one else saying anything, yet this was about to change.

 

Knock knock.

 

"Yes come in" Vera replied, her eyes moving from the computer screen and up to the visitor.

 

Her deputy.  
Will.

 

Closing the door behind him he stood as he started speaking.  
"What's going on Vera?" the blunt question seemed to confuse her.  
She frowned softly.  
"Going on...nothing, what do you mean?".  
"I mean with you, something isn't right, you're not yourself" he explained, this seeming to soften her frown, sensing the line of questioning he maybe going for here.

 

He was one of her oldest friends, they'd known each other for years and gone through a lot together since they'd both worked at Wentworth, he'd seen her through the good and bad times, they got on well and he also knew her rather well, he could tell when she wasn't herself, when something felt off with her, she wasn't exactly the best actress in front of him.

 

"I am, I'm fine Will, everything is fine" seeing him tilt his head at her, totally unconvinced at her answer.  
"No you're not Vera, I can tell when something isn't right, I've known you for years and I know something isn't right, what is it? What's going on?" he persisted, taking up the seat in front of her desk, he was going to find out what it was, so he may as well be comfortable in a chair whilst he does.  
With yet another denial from Vera, Will once again called her out about her lying to him, reiterating that he knew something was going on, third time lucky they say.

 

This third time of asking and his reluctance to accept her answers seem to snap something in the governor, Will was like a dog with bone and he wasn't letting this particular bone go.  
"Ok, fine, you win!" she snapped suddenly her voice breaking a little as she did. "I've fucked up ok, I've made a huge, major fuck up with someone, I've pushed them away, and it's all because of how much of a waste of space I am, there, that's it, you happy now?!" her eyes staying a few seconds longer on his before she bowed her head, and then put her head in her hands, sighing deeply.

 

Taken aback, that's how he felt, he'd seen Vera in a few situations over the years, but she wasn't the kind of person who reacted in a snappy manner, not like this, not usually.   
Could it be that this time it was different, that this particular 'incident' had affected her more than usual, that it meant that bit more to her this time?  
He paused to gather his thoughts and then give an answer back before he spoke.

 

"Has this got anything to do with that little card that was on your desk and then disappeared again just as quickly?" when he'd come to try and find her a couple of days ago he'd seen the little white card on her desk as if she'd been using it, and then suddenly it'd disappeared never to been seen again, along with Vera's cheery mood and usual happy demeanour.

 

This comment had some effect, this effect being Vera lifting her head from her hands and her blue eyes widening ever so slightly.  
How had he seen the card?  
I thought no one had seen this.  
And especially not him.  
I didn't think anyone would take any notice of such a thing.  
The eyes widening told him he was right, he didn't need her words.

 

"Does it matter that much that I know, or if this 'someone' is a woman?" he started reasoning. "For the record I've heard of her in circles in here and out of work, she's got quite the stellar reputation within the force for being quite the Detective and people seem to have nothing but good things to say about her" trying to explain that bit more of his knowledge to Vera, seeing that he'd got his good friends attention.   
"But...but it's not right is it, it's not right that it's a woman, because it shouldn't be...it just shouldn't be the case, and definitely not with her liking me, that just...it's just not right" not able to look at him again after saying the words.

 

Will frowned softly at her response, not quite understanding her supposed 'logic'.  
"Why isn't it right exactly, is it bad because you feel like this about yourself, that you've not been with many people in general, and this has been helped along by your mum for all those years, with all due respect Vera she was a horrible bitch to you, she emotionally wore you down and look it's still here now..." pausing as he spoke to see Vera nod in agreement of his reasoning, this admittance seemed to soften him towards his close friend.

 

As they continued to talk he asked her the most important question that he'd not discovered the answer to yet.  
"Do you like the woman?" the blue eyes of his friends not moving from his as she answered him.  
"Yes I do....did, but well....it's pointless now isn't it, because I've put an end to anything like that because of my own shitty behaviour" sighing dejectedly at her own stupidity.  
"Maybe, but maybe not too. Why don't you try and see her, to act on what you've done, try and make it right, to explain to her why you acted the way you did, apologise to her. You've said that she admitted she likes you, so why not tell her what's going on, if you don't then you'll never know if she could have understood and maybe given you another chance. If it was me in your position, I'd rather go and at least try and find out for sure if this could all be mended, as opposed to not going at all and never knowing what the outcome actually was and torturing myself, that's worse for everyone. I'd rather have 'oh wells' in my life than 'what ifs', you deserve someone good in your life Vera and if she likes you and has told you, isn't that worth finding out if she can understand why you said what you said, you deserve a chance at happiness, don't blow it with her if she's good for you due to your own pride" smiling kindly at his friend, getting up from the chair, squeezing one of her hands reassuringly and then leaving the office, he'd definitely given Vera some food for thought, a lot if truth be told.

 

So much food for thought, that after work that afternoon Vera headed back to a place she thought she'd never set foot again.  
The police station.  
That police station.

 

Taking a deep breath in her car, she got out knowing what she wanted to do, almost what she had to do. Step by step she headed up and into the station, taking a pause outside the door, nerves telling her to go home, to not go in, to step away and not even bother, but then something else stepped in, told her she needed to do this, needed to go inside, go inside and at least try and then she'd know, know she'd tried, attempted to have made this 'right' in some way.  
Pulling the door towards her she tentatively stepped into the entrance, slowly making her way towards the familiar front desk, glancing around her at the empty foyer as she did.  
Stopping at the desk she rang the little attention buzzer, seeing her own hand shake as she did so, nerves were very much here.

 

After a few minutes a man came from the door behind the desk, smiling at her and asking if he could help, after a couple of seconds she softly asked if it'd be possible to speak to Detective Ferguson about a personal matter, then giving her name, Ms Bennett, feeling her legs shake as she said Joan's name, her mind almost flashing back to the last time she'd been here and asking for the older woman.  
"If you'd like to take a seat, I'll ring up for her for you, see if she's available".

 

Thanking him, Vera this time took up the offer of a seat, she needed it, her legs needed it, the nerves pooling in them and making them feel like two pieces of lead attached to her body.  
Sitting on the plastic chair, she couldn't help but take a quick look over to the desk and saw he was at that moment on the phone, not quite being able to hear what he was saying on the phone, what was being said in the conversation, her ears straining but still unable to hear the words.  
Then in slow motion he put the phone down and turned to go back through the door that he'd previously come through to see Vera, Vera herself watching him go, still not knowing what was happening.

 

Clasping her hands together she felt the clamminess on them, causing her to rub them on the edge of her black overcoat, wishing that some of that could be in her mouth right at that moment to stop it feeling like the Sahara desert.

 

And so it began, the thinking, the waiting, the wondering.  
Would Joan actually come downstairs?  
And especially after Vera's previous behaviour when she was here.  
Maybe hearing the man say her name when he'd rung upstairs not 5 minutes ago, maybe this was more than enough for the older woman to stop her stepping one foot outside of her office, not wasting her energy on this trivial matter, after all that's what Vera deserved isn't it?  
So she sat.  
She waited.  
Maybe for nothing?


	8. Chapter 8

So she waited and carried on waiting.  
It'd most likely been a shorter time than her mind would have her believe.  
Something about sitting and waiting, not knowing if there was a point to the waiting seemed to play tricks on your mind.  
Time seems to move faster than normal.  
Thinking you'd been there for hours when you hadn't.

 

This was the process Vera was currently experiencing in her head, her mind taking another look at the security doors that hadn't opened for or by anyone since she'd come into the station.

 

So that was it then.  
Her personal theory about her blowing it, the one she'd told Will about was correct.  
She'd proven herself right.  
And been made to sit through the entirety of it.  
That's what they call karma isn't it?

 

With a deep sigh she was readying her legs to push her body off the seat, when suddenly her eyes were drawn from the floor and her shoes, and back to the doors she'd looked at not a couple of seconds ago.

 

A noise.  
A noise from them.  
From behind them.  
This noise then being followed by another noise.  
A beep.  
One she recognised.  
She'd heard before.  
The beep of the security doors opening.  
And that they were.  
They opened and footsteps came with them, as well as a figure through said doors.  
The doors revealing Joan on the other side.

 

Joan dressed in black suit trousers, a black shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbow, her customary Chelsea boots and her hair loose.  
Vera's eyes wandered over the other woman, as she suddenly found strength in her legs to stand up from the chair, wandered over the sight before her, the Detective really was such an attractive woman. 

 

This being followed by a big gulp of a swallow, trying to force that nervous lump in her throat down, unsure of how to be and behave, how would Joan be?

 

Joan said nothing at first as she approached the smaller woman, silently pointing to room behind Vera, the one they'd gone into the last time the governor had come into the station, letting Vera go in first, and she followed.  
Joan stood near one of the walls next to the door, her arms folded, as she looked at Vera stood across from her, the smaller woman looking suddenly very small compared to the statuesque Detective, the Detective whose eyebrows raised as she threw out one single word.  
"Well?" this being a question and rather a confused one at that, not quite sure after their last exchange just what Vera was doing here in her station, in front of her. 

 

That one word.  
One word that caused Vera to nervously attempt to clear her throat, clear it enough to at least try to squeak one or two hoarse words out, that's what she was here for after all wasn't it.  
She took a breath, a big one and then got her first two words out, important ones.

 

"I...I'm sorry" another breath and continuing or trying to at least. "What I....What I said, it was wrong of me, I was out of order the other day" preparing herself for Joan's response.  
"It seemed rather clear what you said to me the other day, that you basically wanted nothing more to do with me, that I should stay away from you" her tone sharp and blunt, the memory of the day stinging.  
"Yes...Yes I know what I said that day but....but...it's not, not what I meant. I mean...I mean it may not have exactly been the entire truth" rubbing the tension in her forehead at her inability at that point to explain herself properly, making her way to one of the chairs at the table and sitting down, she needed a minute to gather herself, to gather her words and explain, well aware of Joan's eyes on her.

 

Closing her own eyes she composed herself and then opened them again, looking straight at Joan, her voice quiet and soft as she began.  
"When I....When I said what I did the other day, it was due to me...to me feeling that maybe I was too 'inexperienced' in terms of...in terms of women and that in the exact moment, my insecurity within myself took over and I pushed you away. I did this because..because I...I thought that you could do better than me, much better in fact. That in my head I wondered if I was actually preventing you from having a chance with someone else, spending time with them, someone better than me" her voice starting to shake and tremble as she admitted these things to the other woman, feeling her eyes start to sting with developing tears, the lump in her throat she thought had gone was back with a vengeance, making the next few sentences cause her to mumble somewhat.  
"I know I was wrong and shouldn't have said what I said to you, I just....I reacted, reacted wrongly because of....because of all that I've just told you. I got scared and then came out with all that I said and for this I'm so so sorry. This is why I came here today, I wanted you to know why I said and did what I did, to explain to you because I felt you deserved to know. Now I've told you this I'll get out of your way, I'll be out of your way" with a little sniff, she was off the chair and heading for the door, her eyes now on the floor as she moved, only getting her left index finger on the metal of the door handle, before feeling a hand gently taking hold of her right forearm over her coat, this touch making her stop on the spot and then slowly raise her eyes to the face of the woman next to her, Joan's eyes looking straight into hers.

 

Joan looked and looked, her brown eyes wandering a couple of times over Vera's face, just looking before she then broke the silence between them with a simple question.  
"Do you like me?".  
With a nod Vera replied quietly.  
"Yes".  
Another few seconds pause from Joan.  
"As I like you".

 

Now it was Vera's turn to flicker her eyes over Joan's face, almost as if she was taking in that last piece of information, letting her brain process it.  
"Even after all this?" thinking that Joan should've surely been put off her, shouldn't she?   
"Yes, even after all this. Unless it didn't come across, I don't care about your so called 'inexperience', it's the person I like, you, yourself as you are. That's who I'd like to get to know more about, and if I thought I could 'do better' which I frankly think is a load of nonsense, then I'd just state that I thought this, wouldn't I? But in my opinion there's nothing wrong with you" her voice and tone soft and understanding, the opposite of what Vera was expecting given the circumstances.  
"You...You would yeah. I just...I got scared, pushed you away and then ran away...after which, after which I regretted it, because....because it wasn't...wasn't actually what I wanted to do" dipping her eyes and then looking back up at Joan.

 

"Well...I'm glad that you did come here today and told me all this so I can understand it a bit more" taking a few seconds pause before asking Vera. "I don't...don't supposed you'd be interested in grabbing a coffee, seen as my shift finished 5 minutes ago?" seeing the smaller woman's mouth curve into a little smile at her offer.  
"I would be interested in doing this yes" cue Joan breaking into a smile of her own at the acceptance of her coffee idea.  
"Ok...good, well if you just wait here, I'll nip back upstairs, grab my coat and be right back" seeing Vera nod that she'd wait and flashing her another smile, disappearing through the doors and up the stairs.


	9. Chapter 9

The one coffee that had been spoken of quickly turned into two, and some of this had gone cold as both women sat at a table in the nearby coffee bar and chatted softly between themselves , they were both so absorbed in the conversation they forgot about said drinks, Vera finding that those few days she'd not been in contact with Joan, she'd missed her, missed speaking to her, seeing her, being in her company.

 

"Are you feeling ok doing this?" Joan checked, wanting to make sure that Vera was ok in this situation, especially after the bits of information the younger woman had told her in the interview room, wanting to make doubly sure it's what she wanted.  
"I am yes, thank you" liking Joan's kindness and consideration, something about the way it was delivered by the other woman added to her ease, so much so that it prompted her to open up a little bit more to the detective. "A few....A few times in the past people may....people have told me that I'm not good enough, a major one of these people being my mother, she was rather...well...I suppose the word is abusive, mentally abusive. It started when I was little and she carried on as I grew up, even up until the day she died, one disadvantage of being an only child too I suppose in that way when your mother behaves like this, no back up as such. It seems to effect you that little bit more, or at least it has done with me it being my mother as the main source, then bits of the same through school and over the years from others. And then..." taking a pause and swallowing a breath before continuing. "Then you came along that evening, you helped me and then asked if could take me out, to say I was surprised was an understatement. I was so surprised because well...it was me you were asking, and also that someone who is as attractive as you are was asking to take someone like me out".  
"There was no reason at all for me not to ask if I could take you out, I helped you yes, at the same time as this though you caught my eye, my attention, you're attractive and I wanted to at least ask if I could take you out, hence why I did. For the record if it wasn't clear enough from my side, I think that you're so much more than you think of yourself, and I don't mess people around, it's not what I'm about as a person".

 

Nodding her understanding Vera, softly spoke some more to the woman in front of her.  
"What I said the other day in the station....I did think that I'd blown it, that I'd succeeded in messing everything up..." her voice breaking along with her sentence, there was something about saying it out loud and out loud to the woman herself who you'd thought you'd messed up with, like there was no escape from the emotional impact of what might have been had Joan not come down to hear her out, this combination of things causing a lump in the governors throat, dipping her head from Joan's view as she felt the first remnants of tears prickle in her eyes.

 

Joan frowned softly at this action, hearing the way Vera cut off her own sentence, the hitch in her breath, hiding her face as her voice broke.  
"Hey what's all this?" said the detective gently, as she moved her chair round the table to be that bit closer to Vera, a hand reaching out and being placed over one of Vera's that were in her lap, brushing her right thumb comfortingly over the back of Vera's left hand, hearing a sniffle at the contact, the woman in front of her trying her best to hide the fact that she was upset, it obviously making her feel shame and embarrassment, something that Joan didn't like to see, especially since this person was Vera.

 

Seeing this upset still happening a few minutes later Joan was unable to help herself step in, this being in the form of silently wrapping her arms around the smaller frame of the upset woman in front of her, bringing her close and offering a soothing hand up and down her back, feeling Vera lean into the embrace after a few seconds.

 

There was something about this.  
The way she wrapped her arms around me.  
The security of it.  
The comfort.  
How safe it feels.  
I don't feel embarrassed.  
Or shame.  
I feel the opposite.  
Comfort.  
Understanding.  
Warmth.  
The best hug she could probably said she'd ever had in her life.  
Ever.

 

Not sure how long they'd been sat there in that position for, but it was Vera who moved first, feeling Joan's arms loosen around her as she did so, slowly lifting her head and eyes from where they'd been tucked against Joan's shoulder, so she could look at the older woman, using one of her hands to wipe the stray tears from her cheeks.

 

"I....I'm so sorry about this.." another sniffle as she saw Joan shake her head in response to her apology.  
"You've no reason to say sorry".  
"I guess...I guess it just hit me a little that if things had been that bit different, if you'd not have been as understanding as you are, then I....then I could really and fully have blown things for myself with you" her honesty written all over her face at how much she knew she could have made a mess of things, Joan finding this endearing, pulling back a little so Vera was able to fully see her face, but sitting with her legs either side of the younger woman's still, her hands gently holding Vera's.  
"But you didn't blow anything, or mess anything up, I'm right here in front of you, and everything is ok, far from being messed up" giving the blue eyes that were fixed on her as she spoke a little wink in reassurance, this action causing Vera's face to soften and a smile to appear, Joan's wink was impossible for her not to smile at.


	10. Chapter 10

Making dinner.  
For them both.  
Mainly Joan because she'd invited her over for dinner.  
But yes for both of them.  
It was like a military operation.  
Vera making sure everything was just so.  
Wanting it to be perfect.  
Although the definition of perfection was subjective.  
But Vera wanted things to be 'perfect'.  
Plates warming nicely, food in the various stages of almost done, done or being kept warm.

 

Then the knock at the door as she checked her appearance for the millionth time in the mirror, smoothing over the v neck, little capped sleeved dress she was wearing and then making her way down the hall and to the front door, taking a deep breath and slowly opening said door, revealing Joan on the other side and what a sight.  
Stood there on the door step, the older woman was dressed in slim fit suit trousers, a loose fitting but still figure hugging off grey blouse, tan suede brogues and her dark hair loose and straight, clutching a bottle of wine and a bunch of flowers.

 

Fucking hell look at her.  
Just look.

 

And look Vera did, she couldn't help it, her blue eyes raking up and down the figure in front of her, taking in the sight of the older woman, taking all of her in.

 

"Hello, you...you look very...very nice" keeping her eyes on the other woman as she held the door open and stepped aside to let Joan in.  
Joan smiled at the compliment.  
"Thank you very much, you look amazing yourself if I may say so" watching Vera close the door behind them both, now it was her turn to look Vera up and down, by god look at her in that dress!  
"T..Thank you.." no one has told her she looked amazing, or anything remotely like this before, feeling Joan's eyes on her in her dress, another strange feeling for her to have.

 

After arranging the flowers nicely in the vase, Vera offers Joan a drink, telling her that the food is just about ready, that if she'd like to take a seat at the table then she'll bring her plate over for her.  
Taking her place at the table, a glass of wine with her, Joan finds herself unable to not watch the other woman moving around her kitchen as she awaits the food. Vera herself plating up the food as nicely as she can, wanting it to be and look just so for Joan, bringing said plate over and placing it in front of the other woman, Joan commenting about how good it all smells and looks, Vera hoping that she enjoys it, secretly praying that it doesn't disappoint in anyway, not that she'd vocalise this bit to Joan.

 

As if it was a repeat of a when they'd first been out to lunch together when Joan had gotten Vera's purse back, the younger woman found herself looking across the table to the other woman, looking at her in general and how gorgeous she was, but also that she didn't quite believe that Joan was here, at her table, in her home and having dinner with her that she'd cooked, as if the older woman had a sixth sense, she raised her eyes from her plate and met Vera's giving her a smile, that Vera gave her back.

 

Dinner all finished and enjoyed by both, Joan cleaning her plate of every scrap of food, she rose from her chair and offered to wash the dishes up, but Vera countered and said that she wasn't going to do it because she had a dish washer, and being a guest she wasn't going to let her do such a thing, and they can forget about the cleaning and relax instead of worrying about the pots. Relenting to a determined Vera, Joan picked up her wine glass from the table and leaned against the kitchen unit, watching Vera tidying up the kitchen after she'd loaded the dishwasher, feeling herself unable to help smile as seeing the smaller woman moving around in her own space, also her persistence that Joan wouldn't be lifting a finger in terms of tidying up, stubborn she is it seems in this kind of thing.

 

Releasing the glass from her hand and placing it on the work surface she had been leaning on, Joan stepped the two strides across to where Vera was, just as the other woman had finished what she was doing and was turning around, finding herself face to face with Joan.   
The older woman silently placed her left hand on Vera's left hip, her right hand moving up to cradle Vera's cheek, roving her eyes over her face, but not saying or doing anything else yet, simply taking the time to look at the younger woman's beauty.  
At the same time Vera took in Joan's features, taking the chance to lean her face into the soft and warm hand that cradled it at that time.  
"You're so very pretty, no one can tell me you're not" seeing and feeling the blush creep onto Vera's cheeks at the compliment, but for the first time since Joan had known her she didn't dismiss it or brush it off, knowing that the older woman was genuine in what she was saying to her.

 

Keeping her eyes with Joan for a little while longer, Vera covered the larger hand cradling her face with one of her own, momentarily closing her eyes as she leaned into Joan's hand again, liking how it felt and how gentle Joan was being with her.  
Re opening her eyes she finds herself unable to help lowering them to the older woman's lips, raising them to Joan's eyes again, doing this a couple of times, knowing that Joan was seeing all that she was doing, the taller woman bowing her head ever so slightly towards Vera's so their faces were closer, but not doing anything else, wanting Vera to be the one to do anything, if she so wanted to.

 

Feeling Joan's breath ghosting over her face and especially her lips, Vera closed the gap that had remained between their faces, grazing her lips against Joan's, somewhat nervous and tentative in her action, blue eyes closing at the contact, relishing how soft Joan's lips felt against her own.  
After a few moments Vera pulled back a little, parting their lips to see Joan's reaction to what she'd just done, finding a soft smile on the other woman's face, this in itself seemed to be all the encouragement Vera needed, leaning back to Joan's lips, this time pressing more firmly than the first time, feeling Joan respond immediately on contact, deepening the kiss with Vera, taking the smaller woman into her arms, wrapping her left arm around Vera's body, cradling her face a little more firmly but gentle at the same time.  
On feeling this shift within the kiss, it was the smaller woman's turn to wrap her arms around Joan's waist, bringing both their bodies close against one another, wanting and liking having the detective so close to her.

 

Lips parting to grab some air after their kissing, Vera found herself somewhat breathless, her eyes glazed and her lips blushing pink from said kisses.  
"Ok?" Joan asked her on seeing how the other woman was looking at that moment, it seemed she couldn't help asking Vera if she was ok, it was automatic.  
"Yeah..." Vera replied after a few seconds. "I...I've just never had a kiss like that before" she admitted, leading Joan to also say that she hadn't had a kiss like it either.  
"It seems that you're a natural at it though" said Joan, meaning about Vera being a natural at kissing considering the younger woman doubted herself and her 'ability', as she stood with her arms still around Vera, the comment making the governor feel that bit better about herself.

 

Call it an in the moment spark of having or gaining a bit more confidence, Vera made the comment of.  
"It's because of who I am doing it with" the witty and quick words makes Joan smile and give a little scoff, appreciating the reply of the woman in her arms, this smile transferring to Vera and making her smile too.

 

Wasting no time, Joan leaned in again to connect their lips and grab another slow and lingering kiss from the beauty whose kitchen she was stood in.


	11. Chapter 11

Days off.  
They were a miracle.  
Something to savour sometimes when it was busy and you couldn't get one or a couple for love nor money.

 

Some how, by some miracle, both women had gotten a few days off, at the same time, both of them deciding to go to one of the nice, quieter bars in the city, Vera had mentioned the name Joan to Will when arranging the days off, this seeming all it'd needed for him to tell her that it was fine, that he'd cover the shifts and they'd manage.

 

Will was a good man, a good friend and a brilliant deputy.  
He covered all the good bases of someone Vera had in her life.  
And she valued him in it too.

 

Taking a taxi into the city centre together, both women get out and start to head into one of the gay bars, Joan pausing at the door as she felt her hand being taken by a familiar, smaller one, Vera's. She'd mentioned in the journey to the city that she'd not been in many bars in her life, and definitely not gay ones, definitely not those, feeling like she wanted to be honest with Joan about this and not hide it.

 

Gripping each other's hand, they make their way into the bar, Vera's senses taking in all the sounds and sights as they stepped in, the place a completely new one for her, looking around as they make their way over to the bar, her eyes taking it all in. Drinks ordered and in hands, both of them find a quiet and cosy spot in the corner, taking their seats in the booth, clinking glasses together and sharing a smile, the pair of them looking at the other over their glasses as they take a couple of sips, then the conversation drifts to the bar, and Vera asking if it's one Joan has been in before. Joan replies that she has, now and again, but that due to her job and the free time not coming easily, and when she's been able to get that free time off of work, then she didn't just want to spend it anywhere and with anyone, so she chose to be selective with her free time, now she has some of that free time again she wanted to spend it with Vera, and only Vera, this in itself made the younger woman feel special.

 

The next drink they had Vera when to the bar for, as she did so she took the time to take in more of the surroundings as she waited, feeling that bit more comfortable the more that she was here, then collecting said drinks and making her way back over to Joan and their table. Just as she'd lowered both drinks onto the table, and slipped back into the wrap around seat of the booth, someone nearby dropped their glass onto the floor, the smash making Vera jump and startling her quite a bit, something Joan saw, it catching Vera off guard.  
"Hey you're ok, it was just a glass, surprised it was a customer and not one of the bar staff" gently touching her hand to the other woman's shoulder comfortingly, the action and words calming Vera, Joan thanking her for the drink, her brown eyes glued to Vera as they sit at the table, thinking how attractive she is and how she's sat here with her in the bar tonight.

 

"What?" Vera whispered shyly on seeing Joan looking at her.  
"Just looking, looking and thinking how cute you are" seeing Vera blush, before the other woman replied.  
"More like people are looking at you in here".  
Joan shook her head, speaking at the same time as scooting closer to Vera on the seat.  
"No they're definitely looking at you" stopping just short of touching her body against the other woman's, not sure if she was becoming too full on.  
Vera frowned softly at seeing her stop short of where she thought she'd be.  
"Why did you stop there?" she asked, seeing Joan dip her head and then regain eye contact with her.  
"I don't...I just don't want to come across as too full on, to maybe scare you off, or do something that you don't like or want" showing her own sense of self consciousness and vulnerability, and how she is bothered about what Vera thinks of her too.

 

Seeing this in the other woman made Vera smile, taking the initiative and closing the little gap between them both.  
"You're not too full on, you're respectful and kind" keeping her eyes with Joan's as she continued softly. "It's nice to meet and spend time with someone who seems to like and enjoy being close to me" having not had a lot of affection from a lot of people in her life, even if she herself wanted it and liked it, enjoying the chance to give it out to people who are close to her, but these opportunities had been very few and far between, if at all.  
"It's nice to be the one that is sat here with you tonight. I feel lucky that it's me here and no one else" no more was there a gap between them, Vera's right thigh touching up against Joan's left, seeing the smile start across the detective's face one at the words she'd just heard, but two at Vera's being sat against her now.  
"It wasn't in my mind to be sat here with anyone else but you" said Joan.

 

Vera responded by leaning her body against Joan's, feeling the older woman's left arm slide around her and her hand rest on her hip, Vera taking the chance to snuggle in tight.  
Smiling to herself at this, she placed a gentle kiss on Vera's hair, the familiar scent of that shampoo floating up her nostrils and filling her senses as she did so.

 

Using their opposite hands as they sat as they were, both women took a couple of sips of their drinks, before going back to being cuddled up, looking so natural together and relaxed in each other's company and as a couple, not an inch of tension on either one of their faces.

 

Who'd have thought that Vera would be sat in a gay bar, cuddled up to another woman, certainly not Vera that's for sure.  
But right then and there, it felt natural, like this spot, right here cuddled up to Joan is where she was meant to be.


	12. Chapter 12

The time spent together and had slowly but surely started to become more regular, the communication as high it could ever be despite both of them being at work.  
Seeing one another had turned into dating, proper dating of the other for each woman, an exclusive thing now, weeks turning into months and it seemed that this was a natural progression for them both.

 

The day for governor Bennett had started fine, just like a normal day, like any other day, but now she was at the end of it, getting ready to finish and go home it had changed, she felt different.

 

Very different.  
Her head was spinning.  
Her mind and her thoughts were scrambled.

 

Grabbing her bag she headed straight for her car, in that much of a haze with her own thoughts she didn't even bother putting her coat on, she just carried it and then threw it on the passenger seat when she got in said car.

 

Nervous.  
Anxious.  
Scared shitless.  
Joan filling her mind.  
She always did anyway.  
But in a different way now.  
How do I tell her?  
Should I tell her?  
Of course you should idiot!  
But what will she say?  
What will she do?  
Will this ruin everything?  
Destroy things?  
End things between us?  
Things never being the same again.  
Her walking away?  
Leaving me alone?

 

Feeling her throat tighten and tears pool her eyes, she took her phone from her handbag on the seat beside her and rang the one person she needed to at that very moment.  
Joan.

 

"Hey you...Vera are you crying? What's the matter? What's happened?" concerned at hearing the other woman so upset on the other end of the phone.  
"W..Where are you?" Vera mumbled, just about getting her words out.  
"At home, I managed to finish on time today".  
A swallow from Vera.  
"I...I need...need to see you, to speak to you...but I...I'm scared".

 

After this brief conversation, Joan invited the other woman to her house, Vera telling her that she'd be there as soon as possible and then ending the call, trying to compose herself enough to actually drive.  
But this didn't happen, driving to the older woman's house she couldn't stop herself crying, the tears kept falling and were determined not to stop for her.  
Pulling up outside said house she stayed sat in the drivers' seat for a few moments after turning her engine off.  
The nerves kicking in even more, if this was possible.  
Taking a couple of deep breaths in between sobs, she pulled herself out of her car, locking it up and then heading for the front door of the house.

 

Before she could even knock once the door swung open and revealed Joan on the other side, a look of deep concern plastered all over her face, seeing Vera's red eyes, with tears still coming down, not knowing what on earth had happened or what was going on with the smaller woman.  
Inviting Vera in, she guides her over and into the living room, this simple gesture cracking the futile resistance Vera had tried to build to stem the tears momentarily as she got inside the house.  
"Don't come near me Joan, don't touch me or anything, because after today that is what's going to happen, this is what you're not going to want to do anymore. You'll no doubt not want anything more to do with me, you'll want to leave me, not want to see sight nor sound of me, to not have the burden of me, you may even hate me!" the words like a Gatling gun being fired at the bewildered detective, stood listening, yet none the wiser what actually had happened or what was going on, simply Vera rambling these words and statements at her.

 

Joan frowned heavily, totally confused by all of this.  
"What, what are you talking about, Vera what is going on? What's all this about?" needing some kind of clue or clarity.  
Vera then started to talk between cries and ask if Joan remembered about her telling her a while ago, about the drunken one night stand that she'd had with a male colleague.

 

The one she'd had when she thought that getting drunk, which she never did, and then denying, or no, trying to deny her feelings about her sexuality and the fact she liked women, and falling into bed with a male colleague, would somehow change all of these facts, yet the morning after nothing had changed, apart from the fact she had a horrendous hangover and still liked women, and couldn't remember much of the night before.  
Joan said that yes she remembers this conversation that they had, she'd liked the fact that Vera had been honest about what had happened, and felt able to tell her such a thing, even though she sensed the governor was embarrassed and ashamed at her actions, which Joan understood given the circumstances.

 

The governors face creased and broke down into sobs in front of Joan, her breathing ragged as she said.  
"I....I found out..today, after...after taking a test....I'm...I'm pregnant" she'd bought a test that morning on her way to work after realising her period was late, when usually she was as regular as clockwork, plus the fact she'd been feeling a bit 'off' for the past few days, so she'd done said test just after dinner, and seeing the result flash up positive, something that nearly made her fall to the floor in shock. Then going on to say that this is the reason she thinks that Joan will hate her, not want anything to do with her anymore, but that she wouldn't blame her considering what the circumstances now are, that she knew she wanted and needed to be honest with Joan about this news she'd found out, that she didn't want to lie to her at all.

 

Silence.

 

Listening intently to all the information that'd just been thrown at her from Vera, totally not what she was expecting to hear after she'd finished work and come home today, not this kind of news at all.

 

Fucking hell.  
Woah.

 

Her own mind taking it all in, making sense of it.

 

Being aware that although it'd been a one night stand that Vera had had, it'd been before she'd met Joan and knew her, that she did believe her when she'd said to her that it'd been a drunken incident, and one which made her feel very ashamed and embarrassed, this being obvious when the younger woman had recalled and told said story to Joan, the shame all over her face at the time, fidgeting in her seat on the chair, that this was just a one off and Joan fully believed this fact.

 

Vera turned around, her back to Joan and started for the front door.  
"Where are you going?" Joan called out, causing Vera to stop on the spot, slowly turning to face the voice.  
"Well I....I...I'm leaving, because I thought that is what I should be doing given the circumstances and the news that I've just told you, the bomb shell, the grenade that I've just dropped onto you today" her blue eyes fixed on the detective a couple of feet away from her, Joan stood in the middle of her living room, brown eyes not moving from Vera.  
"Maybe trying staying where you are and actually asking me?" Joan replied, a silent stalemate then descending on the room, between the two women.


	13. Chapter 13

A shuffle.  
And then another.  
A third.  
Right where the smaller woman stood, her hands clasped together, lowering and then raising her eyes back to Joan.

 

"What...what do you think and or want?".

 

A pause from Joan, the older woman rubbing her forehead a little, gathering her thoughts, a little pace back and forth and then she stopped back on the same spot she'd started, her eyes back to Vera.

 

"This news is of course a bit of a surprise, and not what I expected to be being told today, but from what I know of you and who you are, I can't imagine or assume that you'd want to actually go down the route of not having the baby even at this early stage, but I could of course be wrong" sorting her thoughts out in her head again, taking a breath. "I myself am a one woman type of woman, and I wouldn't have been spending all this time with you, and dating you for the past few months if I didn't see some kind of future for us both, or at least thought there was definitely some potential of one. And that whilst this here and now wasn't what I expected us to be talking and discussing today, I myself have no intentions or want to walk away from you, this is unless it's what you'd want and then I would walk away, if it'd make things better for me to do this" laying her thoughts and wishes out to the younger woman, telling her some of what was going on in her mind.

 

Struck dumb.  
A bit, or should that be a lot lost for words.  
That was Vera at that precise moment.  
Not being quite prepared for what Joan had just said.  
She fully expected to be walking out of the front door, and everything that they'd had between them going with her.  
Joan wanting nothing more to do with her.  
But she hadn't.  
She not been told or heard any of this.  
Right get yourself together Bennett.  
Or at least try to on some level.  
Enough for you to speak.  
Vocalise something.  
Something she can understand.

 

"You...You're right in what you said about me not getting rid of it, I don't think I could do that no, I'm not sure I've got it in me to do that. Are...Are you actually saying that you'd....you'd really be prepared and want to stay, stay with me and raise the child with me, the both of us do this?" never did she expect Joan to say this to her, especially not considering the circumstances of the entire situation, it was the last thing that she'd expected, her mind not even allowing her to think of such a positive thing.  
"Yes" Joan nodded.  
"Can...can I ask wh..why?" her mind still a bit stunned and not quite being able to believe her ears and the words coming from Joan's mouth. Stunned that someone like Joan was actually stood in front of her still, and vocalising these things. "I ask because...because, because my brain is trying to fathom why someone as amazing as you would still be stood there, and saying these things".

 

This touched the older woman.  
Vera did fully expect her to walk away.  
To wash her hands of her.  
Her and the baby.  
To not want the 'burden' as Vera had phrased it before.

 

"Unless...Unless you hadn't realised and it hadn't become obvious over the last few months, I think rather a lot of you and far from dwindling or wavering, it had increased with the amount of time that we've spent together. Not to mention that I can see myself falling for you.....not that a little bit of this hasn't started to happen already, which it has..." Joan putting most of her cards and feelings on the table, in full view for Vera to see and hear, being upfront and honest, thinking that after what had happened today it was as good as time as any.

 

Melts.  
That's what they called it wasn't it.  
When someone who you think so much of says or does something that captures your heart that little bit more.  
Something that Joan had succeeded in doing right here and now.  
Again.  
Fucking hell woman.

 

The sentiment and honesty, the rawness in Joan and her words, making Vera see that bit more how much the detective thinks and feels for her.  
Leaving no doubt in the governors mind that the woman in front of her is the most genuine, honest and best woman Vera has ever had and ever likely to get in her life.  
That Joan was admitting that she'd fallen for her just as she is, that she likes Vera for who she is, for all she is, flaws and all, Vera herself knowing that she'd fallen for Joan too.

 

So Vera stepped forward, closing the gap between them with every small step she took, her eyes never once leaving Joan's.  
"You are amazing and I'm so very lucky to have you in my life, and that just in case it wasn't obvious or clear to you, I've found myself falling for you as well. Someone like you, well...you're...you're a once in a lifetime type of person...woman, and for some far out reason, one I can't get my head around, I'm the absolute luckiest woman on the planet because you're here, with me, somehow this with you happened to me, and I never want to lose you" her blue eyes now full of tears, teetering on the edges of her eyelashes.

 

It was true.  
She didn't know how she'd managed to 'get' Joan.  
Some grace of God, if she believed in God.  
Or some force of the universe deciding to work in her favour.  
Deciding that it was her chance.  
Her chance at happiness.  
And this was going to be with someone like Joan.  
So here Joan was.  
And the woman herself had fallen for Vera.  
If that wasn't enough she'd just said how she was prepared to stick by her.  
Her and the baby.  
For them to raise he or she together.  
The three of them.  
In a word.  
Wow.

 

Wrapping her arms around Joan's waist, she cuddled into the detectives chest, closing her eyes as a few tears ran down her cheeks, also feeling Joan's arms come around her.  
"I'm right here, I'm right here" Joan murmured softly, giving Vera's hair a kiss, lingering her lips here and closing her own eyes as they stood in the silent embrace.


	14. Chapter 14

The end of the working day was meant to fill you with a certain sense of happiness, of looking forward to going home, but for governor Bennett she felt a sense of apprehension wash over her as she readied herself to finish off some work and then head home.  
A huge contribution to this feeling was probably due to the fact that a few hours ago she'd revealed to Jake that she was pregnant and yes it was his, but right now that is all she was prepared to say about things at the moment, bloody hell that was enough for her right now.

 

Shuffling her papers into a pile, she'd had enough and gathering her things, quickly made her way to the exit, through security and then out of the building, feeling the fresh air hit her lungs, feeling like it was the first time all day she'd been able to breathe deeply and fully.

 

During her announcement to him regarding her pregnancy, she'd stated about them both being professional whilst at work, but apart from this she didn't want anything more from him or to do with him, after all Mr Stewart wasn't exactly the nicest man she'd known, quite the player and ego that he was, not just rumours that she'd heard, but she had seen him around the prison flirting with some of the female staff, walking around with a swagger like he was running the place, or on some occasions acting like he owned it! He really did give off the air of thinking he was gods' gift to women, that he could take any one of them he wanted to, and treat them how he wanted, this point being added to by the fact he'd told Vera the day after the night before, that as well as it being a huge mistake what happened between them, that she wasn't exactly good in bed, far from it, and he'd done it to see if he could 'get' the governor and he'd succeeded, albeit with the help of rather a significant amount of alcohol, talk about rubbing salt in the wound.  
So when she told him that she didn't want to see him anymore than was necessary these things were big reasons why, the further away from her he was the better in all aspects of things, and definitely in terms of the baby, definitely this.

 

Space from him was what was needed, lots of it, and to see the one and only woman she wanted to see, Joan.

 

Striding away from the main entrance and into the car park she had her eyes fixed on her car, that being her destination right now, the safe haven she needed to get to, or at least that was the plan, not realising that she was being followed.

 

"Vera!" the call from behind her from a male voice, one unfortunately she recognised.

 

Jake.  
Urgh.

 

Unable not turn around as she heard his running footsteps catching her up.  
"Leave me alone, I said all I needed to before" seeing him almost next to her and then he was there no less than a foot from her, too close. "Go away" her breath hitching in her throat as she felt herself beginning to get upset, she'd had enough for one day, and this was pushing her that bit too far, especially stood in the middle of the car park when all she wanted to do was go home.

 

Then another set of running footsteps approached from behind her.  
"Oi, I do believe the lady has asked you to leave her alone" pushing herself in between the two of them, standing in front of Vera, acting as a kind of human shield for the smaller woman, she'd heard the governor from where she'd parked her car in the car park not far away and couldn't stand by as he seemed to ignore her request.  
Enter the cocky Mr Stewart, the one who seemed to think he was better and above everyone else regardless of who they were.

 

With a scoff and snigger he took a step towards Joan, then tried craning his neck around the tall woman to shoot a look at Vera, not really taking the detective seriously.  
Joan held her ground in front of him, moving her body in the direction that he moved.  
"I'll tell you this again, don't attempt to do that anymore" her tone low and firm, she'd only been around him a minute or so and she'd already had enough of him.

 

Another blasé scoff from Jake, still not thinking much of the taller woman stood in front of him.  
"And who are you anyway?" he smirked, looking her up and down.

 

From her position behind Joan, Vera found a bit of composure, clearing her throat and managing in that moment to find her voice.  
"She's my partner" she said, this sudden piece of news seemed to catch Jake off guard, having not expected to hear something like this when he'd followed Vera outside.

 

Hearing this from the woman behind her, Joan once again warned Jake away from Vera.  
"Due to you not listening or just your plain ignorance, I'll say to you again, leave the lady alone, walk away" her eyes fixed with Jake's, not breaking this eye contact as she silently offered a hand to Vera stood centimetres away at her back, this being something that her partner took instantly, Joan squeezing the smaller hand reassuringly.

 

After a few moments of a silent stalemate, both women watched as Jake took one last look at them both and then retreated for the time being, turning his back and making his way to his own car, Joan unable to take her eyes off him until she saw him in his car, driving out of the car park and away down the road.  
Seeing the car and it's occupant disappear from sight, she then turned to the woman behind her, looking down at a watery eyed Vera who had her blue eyes on Joan, a hard swallow from the governor to try and prevent herself getting upset, her best attempt at keeping it together, but struggling to do so.  
"Come here" Joan said softly, wrapping her arms around Vera and holding her close. 

 

It seemed this loving gesture was the final straw for the smaller woman, causing her to break down in her partners arms, burying her face in the detectives neck as she cried. Even though the tears came due to the circumstances and what had happened during the day, she found comfort in Joan's arms, she felt safe.

 

I'm fucking crying again.  
Fuck.  
She's so comforting.  
The feeling of her arms around me.  
How tactile she is.  
She's physically comforting.  
A knack for knowing what I need at a given time.  
Knowing it by looking at me, or feeling the atmosphere of a situation.  
Like a sixth sense.

 

Making their way back to their cars, they drove back to Joan's home to spend time together and relax after work, opening her front door she stood aside to let Vera in first.  
As soon as the front door was closed, Joan took her coat off, hanging it on the coat hooks to the left of the door, slipping her boots off and putting the pair together, under said hooks, smiling at Vera as she too took off her coat, the older woman about to start walking towards the kitchen, but Vera grabbed her hand stopping her. Turning back at the contact, a hand sliding along her cheek and pulling her into a deep kiss, Vera speaking as they parted.

 

"I couldn't help myself sorry".

 

Joan smiled widely, her lips shiny and pink from the kiss.  
"There's definitely no need to apologise for those things" giving her a little wink, Vera smiling at her answer and watching her partner head into the kitchen to make them both a drink.


	15. Chapter 15

Busy.  
Stressful.  
Manic.  
Nuts.  
Blue arsed flies.

 

There could be a list as long as your arm for what both women's days at work had been, bloody crazy ones!

 

Joan had worked a couple of hours over her shift to finished and box off some computer work, as well as some paperwork for a case that was nearly complete.  
On the other side of the city Vera had also done an extra hour for her own paperwork too, it seemed paperwork was the order of the day for everyone today, unfortunately, the governor hadn't long walked through her front door, sighing in relief as she kicked off her heels before said door had even closed, good job really when she felt a wave of nausea wash over her and she was running upstairs to the bathroom.

 

This nausea had been worse in the afternoon and night the past few days, totally rubbishing the stories of morning sickness that she'd read on various pregnancy websites! Cleaning herself up after flushing the toilet, slowly making her way into her bedroom to strip off her uniform and put it into the wash basket, comfy clothes were what was needed at the moment.  
Back downstairs she went, intending to go into the kitchen to make herself a drink, this being brought to a pause by a knock at the door, opening it and seeing Joan on the other side.  
Joan frowned softly at Vera's weak smile towards her, sensing something felt a bit 'off', this wasn't usually how her partner greeted her when she saw her, thinking she'd pop  
round to see Vera since both of their jobs had been hectic over the past week, she wanted to see her, she'd missed her.

 

Both women walked into the kitchen, Vera at the kettle with her back to Joan as she spoke.  
"I thought you were meant to be coming around earlier?" flicking the button to turn the kettle on, then facing Joan.  
"Yeah I was, but I sent you a text to tell you that I was running late due to boxing that case off at work" she'd sent it hours ago to let Vera know, seeing the expression of the governor being unconvinced that she'd sent anything. "Is everything ok, you don't seem quite yourself?" was the soft enquiry, stepping towards Vera and then stopping when the other woman opened her mouth.  
"No, I'm not alright, I feel sick, pig sick and I've not long come down from the bathroom, from having my head down the toilet. That my day has been one from hell, running around like an absolute headless chicken. This led to me staying behind for an extra hour to finish off some paperwork, this being mainly due to some fucking staff not being able to be arsed to do their jobs properly, so who has to clear up the shit, me! Not that you'd understand" pausing her rant to draw breath for a few seconds, the combination of feeling sick and her hormones throwing her all over the place, add in the emotions and it was a chemical storm, one that Joan came in front of at the wrong time.

 

The end of the rant shooting Joan's eyebrows towards her hairline like a rocket launching from NASA.

 

"With all due respect Vera, I've been working today too, bloody hard. My day has also been one from hell, hence why I stayed behind an extra two hours in my office to get all the bitty shit boxed off for that case that we'd been working on. Paperwork coming out of my ears, add in the computer files that needed updating and all that stuff. Knowing that my day was going to run over by quite a way, that I was coming around tonight, I text you at least what, three hours ago to let you know all this. So yeah my day has also been a busy and stressful one, one that would've been nice to finish at least two hours earlier and not be stuck under all those files, but yeah of course I don't understand this or anything like it!" scoffing dryly at the situation she found herself stood in at the moment, feeling annoyed, tired and a bit upset at her partners reaction, shaking her head and turning on her heels. "Pardon me for bloody coming around, try checking your phone too" she added moving out of the kitchen, down the hallway and then out of the front door.

 

There was something about seeing Joan walking away, about her reacting as she had that made Vera get her phone from her pyjama pant pocket, unlocking the screen and seeing an unopened text message, it'd been received almost four hours ago, from Joan, Vera opened it.  
'Hey you, I'm going to be a bit later coming around than I thought, I'm up to my eyes in files at the moment, finishing boring paperwork off too, but I'll be there, just a little later that's all. I miss you and can't wait to see you. J xxx'

 

Explain that one Vera.  
She did send it just as she said she did.  
You were the one that missed it.  
Just as she guessed.  
Bile lurched in Vera's stomach at the realisation.  
Her legs springing into action, forcing them too.

 

Shoving her phone back in her pocket she dashed from the kitchen and out of the front door, her bare feet hitting the ground, eyes looking up to see the detective getting into her car in front of the house.

 

Dashing down her drive, tears stinging her eyes, beginning to blur her vision, she made her way onto the road and to the drivers' side of the car, tapping on the window to get Joan's attention, the older woman turning her head after a few taps, but saying nothing.

 

Maybe it was the fact Joan looked at her, that she hadn't fully ignored her, add in the fact that the detective hadn't drove off, and just for the hell of it throw in her hormones, the stressful day at Wentworth, finally adding in the realisation she'd mouthed off at her partner due to her own lack of checking her phone, Joan happening to be in the line of fire, in the wrong place at the wrong time, namely in front of Vera when she'd boiled over, erupting like Mount Etna.

 

These things combined to make a remorseful governor start crying, tears cascading down her cheeks, her words coming out in stuttered breaths between tears, babbling to Joan still sat in her car, how sorry she was, that she shouldn't have allowed her bad day to cause her to go off at Joan like she did, that it was her fault that she didn't check her phone for the message that she sent. She could feel her breathing quickening, her lungs struggling to manage the amount of air needed to babble the stream of words, at the same time as sobbing rather heavily, only having the capacity to do one at a time, Vera right now doing both, this resulting in the governors cries becoming that bit more hysterical as Joan stayed sat in her car listening, having the option to flick the key where it sat in its ignition and drive away whenever she wanted to, this seeming to heighten Vera's panic at what she'd done and said.

 

"Please Joan, please don't go, please don't leave me, I'm sorry!" her blue eyes now that bit wider with panic, trying to get her breath as she couldn't do anything else but stare at Joan in her car, wondering what the other woman would decide to do.


	16. Chapter 16

She sat and watched, listened, took in all Vera was saying, saw and heard the distress getting that bit more heightened with every word the other woman said, the way the governor was apologising, crying, pleading, not wanting her to leave, not wanting her to drive away in her car, drive away and leave her stood in the middle of the road, barefoot and hysterical, desperate, remorseful.

 

It was plain to see Vera's regret, how sorry she was, that she was basically begging Joan not to go, not to leave her, right there she'd have done practically anything to ensure that this didn't happen Joan surmised.

 

Unable to see her partner in anymore distress, under anymore stress, especially given she was pregnant, and the fact Joan hated seeing her crying and upset, the detective took the key from the ignition, put it in her pocket, and got out of her car, pulling a shaking and crying Vera into her arms, guiding them both onto the safety of the pavement.  
"Shhhhh" she soothed, smoothing one of her hands up and down the smaller woman's back.

 

Yes she was pissed off, annoyed and upset at Vera's initial reaction, on the flip side after a few moments of realisation, it didn't take long for Vera to check her phone, and then come dashing out of her house, apologising and trying to make things right between them, showing remorse, also the honesty that runs through the governors veins, that she's not too proud to say when she's in the wrong, expressing herself in this way, putting her hands up to her own mistakes, something that means a lot to Joan, a core value she herself thinks very important.

 

Cuddling further into her partner, fisting Joan's shirt under her overcoat rather firmly, it was almost so the other woman wouldn't actually go anywhere, keeping that physical connection and keeping the detective close, also the fact that she liked having Joan close to her.

 

"P...Please don't leave" said Vera shakily, her breathing calmer than before, but still not fully back to normal, feeling the possibility of Joan leaving was still very much on the cards.  
"Shhhhh" Joan said, running another reassuring hand up and down Vera's back, quietly telling her that she was right here with her and wasn't going to leave.  
"I am sorry" Vera repeated for the hundredth time in the space of a few minutes, and she was sorry, so very sorry, she couldn't have been more so if she'd tried right then and there.  
"I know you are, I know" she replied, freeing one of her hands to lock her car, replace the key back in her pocket, her hand returning back where it first started, leading them both inside the house, wanting the other woman to be back inside where it was more comfortable, even more so with her being pregnant and without any shoes.

 

Back inside Vera seemed to have calmed some more, aided by being in Joan's arms, sniffling and looking up to the brown eyes, Vera's eyes red, her face covered in various tear tracks, the non dried tears glistening on her skin.  
"W...Why do....Why do you put up with me, and be so nice and understanding, even when I've just behaved and gone off like I have?" said Vera, her voice a little hoarse from all the crying she'd just done.

 

Joan took a pause.  
A moment.  
A look into those blue eyes.

 

"Despite what's just happened and maybe will again in future, you did apologise and this means a lot to me. But can we also talk about the fact that you're beautiful, my partner and would have to do something seriously bad for me to walk away for good" offering a kind smile to Vera, her eyes conveying all she meant in those words.

 

The words and sentiment melting Vera that bit more, slipping her arms around her waist and gently squeezing her.

 

"I actually have the best partner in the world, and I feel so very fortunate to be able to call you that, to just be with you in general..." her words being cut short as her face went white, a hand clamping over her mouth and she jumped from her place on the sofa, dashing upstairs to the bathroom, just in time for the contents of her stomach to not be all over her carpet. Joan catching up with her a few seconds later, crouching down and holding her hair out of the way, hearing Vera mumble from the toilet bowl.  
"Y...You shouldn't see me like this..it's...it's not exactly attractive".

 

This was quickly dismissed.  
"Oh be quiet it's no big deal, as long as you're alright and the baby is too then that's all that matters" not moving from the spot until Vera gave her the signal that the wave of nausea had passed, standing up with Joan's help and being guided into her bed, Joan fetching her a glass of water not long after.  
"Would you get into bed with me too?" she asked after taking a few sips of water to moisten her dry mouth and throat, anything to rid that metallic taste.

 

Stripping off her boots, coat and trousers, Joan slipped under the duvet sitting slightly up against the pillows, Vera in her arms, gently stroking the wavy, soft locks, it was like threading silk through her fingers, the repetitive motion easily helping Vera drift off to sleep, the gradual feeling of the smaller woman's body getting that bit heavier, along with the slowing breathing telling Joan that she had fallen asleep, a feeling that Joan loved, being able to experience the other woman in one of the most vulnerable states she could be in, her fingers continuing their motions.


	17. Chapter 17

Sat in her office a week or so later, taking a lunch break, Vera had a pregnancy book open in front of her on her desk, simultaneously reading it as well as eating the salad she'd prepared for herself at home and brought into work with her, forking some of the leaves as she turned the next page.

 

Since she'd found out she was pregnant she'd certainly been given enough leaflets, websites, and book recommendations to last her through two pregnancies let alone one, saying that they do say you can never know enough, especially with your first one, and she was certainly taking in all manner of information and knowledge at the moment.  
She was that engrossed in reading and eating that she didn't see Will outside her office, as he approached her door, he paused, a light frown as he looked through the window and caught sight of the book she was currently reading, something that caused him to push the office door open without knocking, this helped by the fact the secretary was also out for her own dinner, it came in handy sometimes, and seeing his friend suddenly spring into life, quickly trying to cover said book with papers from her desk.

 

But he'd seen.  
She knew he'd probably seen too, yet she attempted, albeit weakly to deny it.

 

"Vera is that what book I think it is?" Will said, seeing how she'd answer.  
"No it's not, why would it be" the most unconvincing answer there Vera, splendid.  
"Are you pregnant?" by now the door was closed and it was just the two of them, him being one of her closest friends, an important guy in her life, someone who knew her well, had been through a lot over the years with her, someone who cared for her.

 

Vera sighed defeated, he'd seen the book.

 

"Y...Yes, yeah I am" the blue eyes eventually meeting his.

 

Moving over to the chair in front of the desk he brought it closer to said desk, taking a moment as he asked the inevitable question.

 

The father.  
A single word came from her mouth.  
A name.

 

"Jake" finding herself almost choking on it. "He's...He's just awful though, it was a drunken mistake, one that should never have happened, something he's told me more than once since it did happen. Kindly informing me of why he did it, not that any of this surprises me, it's him after all, the one who thinks he's God's gift to all women. I have told him, but he's not that bothered at all, tried approaching me in the car park the other week as I was leaving, wants me rid of it...he or she, wouldn't leave me alone, luckily Joan was there to warn him off, thank god. I wish he'd just disappear, just let me be" letting out a huge sigh as her eyes caught sight of someone else outside the office, the last person she wanted to see.

 

Him.  
Jake.

 

"Oh are you kidding me" this statement from her drawing Will's eyes to Jake on the other side of the glass, he could see the tension on Vera's face, his friend clearly not wanting the other guy there.

 

It was this reaction and the atmosphere he felt change in the room that made him step up, want to protect his close friend, rising from the chair he made his way to the door, quietly saying to Vera.  
"I'll handle this" and then reaching said door, opening it to see Jake on the other side.  
"Yep, what do you want? Is it work related?" he asked the ever confident Mr Stewart, not a confidence that impressed Will, it was slimy, smug.

 

It seemed the blunt questions weren't what Jake was expecting from the deputy.  
"To speak to Vera actually, not that it's any of your business though" looking up and down at the man who stood between him and the governor.  
"Considering that I'm the deputy governor, if it's to do with work i.e the prison, then this makes it very much my business a lot of time actually" Will's tone steady and firm, not one for being talked down to in any way, shape or form from anyone, and especially not the likes of Jake, especially not him.  
"Like I said..." Jake attempting to just slip past Will and into the office, but Will stepped in the way preventing him.  
"No, the answer is no" Will started, seeing Jake meet his eyes. "It's lunch time for Vera and that means in peace, no interruptions, so unless there's anything else, which there won't be, you'd better get back to work seen as your own lunch break just finished. There's a prison to run, prisoners to keep an eye on and look after".

 

Jake scoffed at him and his answer.  
"You're not her bodyguard y'know?" his tone one of disdain towards the other man, taking a chance to peek at Vera, smirking cockily at her.  
"There's a prison to run Mr Stewart, and you've a job to do, as in now" standing firm and not allowing Jake to move anywhere near Vera in her office.

 

This answer gaining Will another look from the prison officer, with one more look at Vera he moved away from the door and down the corridor, the deputy closing the door and turning to Vera to say.  
"Now you can definitely continue to enjoy your lunch in peace, and you were right, he's definitely proven his arsehole status, not that this wasn't common knowledge before" he smiled, his words gaining a chuckle from Vera, the atmosphere lighter now Jake had gone.  
"Thanks for what you just did, I really appreciate it" and she did, he'd helped her out a lot, and saved her a lot of hassle.  
"That's no problem, plenty more where that came from if this is the vein of bullshit he wants to carry on with".

 

Their conversation then moving into her keeping the baby and not being able to get rid of it, also about how herself and Joan had spoken about it all, that the detective had said that she would stand by Vera and the baby, raise him or her together.

 

He could see it in her face when she spoke about the detective, how her entire face lit up, how animated it became, something he'd not seen in his friend before, ever. There was a glow about her, a happiness, a lightness, all good signs in terms of what Joan was bringing to her life.  
"It definitely sounds like you've found a good one in her Vera, she seems a good woman for you. Enjoy your peaceful lunch and I'll catch up with you back at it soon, let's go and see if the snake is doing some actual work out there" giving her a smirk as he opened and then closed her door behind him, Vera relaxing back into her chair once again and continuing to read her book, taking the occasional sip of water from the bottle next to her on the desk.


	18. Chapter 18

Clinical.  
The white.  
The smell.  
The sounds.  
Sights.  
All synonymous with being in a hospital, or a part of a hospital.  
In this case the maternity unit.  
It still had that smell.  
That hospital smell.  
The one that was so distinctive it left you in no doubt where you were as soon as it hit your nostrils.  
That smell.

 

How it was twelve weeks already she had no idea, but it was it was here and she found herself sat in the waiting room awaiting her appointment, her scan appointment, when did that happen, fucking hell.

 

She'd managed to finish early from work this afternoon, as had Joan but the older woman hadn't gotten here yet, Vera had asked her to come, wanted her here, couldn't imagine even thinking of doing this on her own, she needed Joan here.

 

A check of her watch, her phone and the clock on the wall just for good measure, where are you Joan? 

 

Her eyes then scanning the other parents to be in the room with her, a range of women in various stages of pregnancy, some who you could clearly tell were pregnant and others, no doubt herself being a prime example of those who were showing no clue of any such thing from a quick glance.  
But Vera herself could tell anyone who dared asked different, she could show them under her overcoat, she could inform them of the nausea, crying, tiredness, mood swings and all the rest of it over the past weeks, she definitely had the pregnancy symptoms, enough to sink a battle ship, enough to confirm pregnancy, along with the test, she was pregnant alright!

 

Joan knew the time of the appointment didn't she?  
She had remembered it was today?  
That it was in fifteen minutes?  
Which hospital it was?  
What if she's forgotten?  
Got the wrong date?  
What if she's still at work?

 

Joan wasn't usually the type to forget things like this, nor be late for appointments and the like, Vera knew this but at this precise moment she was nervous, very nervous truth be told.  
She didn't want to go through this 'first stage' on her own, and sitting here in the maternity unit being surrounded by all couples, couples who were supporting each other, and she was sitting for the moment on her own didn't help her over thinking brain.

 

Another look at her watch.  
And then the clock.  
Thirdly would be her phone.

 

Feeling said phone in her pocket she got it out, she was going to ring Joan, find out if she had remembered, and if so where was she?  
Just as she had taken a look at the time on her phone screen, unlocked it and brought Joan's name and number up on the screen to ring, the push button doors not six feet away from where she was sat opened, opened with a certain detective coming through them, suit pants, white blouse and Chelsea boots on, jacket free, that dark, long hair loose around her shoulders, the vision getting the biggest sigh of relief from the governor.

 

Stepping into the waiting room, the doors closing behind her, Joan scanned the sea of people on the chairs, a smile developing when her eyes found Vera, one that the smaller woman returned to her, taking the chair beside her girlfriend and giving her a gentle kiss as she sat down.  
"Sorry for being a few minutes late, I got into the grounds fifteen minutes ago but couldn't find a parking space, it's so busy and full out there, I got one just at the car park around the back" Vera could relate to this, she'd only just managed to find one herself when she arrived.  
"That's ok" Vera replied, taking Joan's hand as she looked at her, watching as her partner raised it to her lips and kissed the back of it. "How are you feeling about all this?" wanting to inquire and find out what the detective felt about what was about to happen.

 

Joan took a pause.  
"I'm nervous, I can't say that I'm not, but excited too, especially since it's the first scan and all. How do you feel?" her eyes watching and waiting for Vera's response.  
"I'm scared, scared, nervous, excited, a mixture of everything really. All this is so new to me, and in there we'll actually be able to see a picture of him or her, I think that this will make it that much more real, that it'll be right there on the screen for us to see".

 

Being called through for their turn, they both make their way to the room where the lady sonographer was waiting for them, followed by the door closing and them all introducing themselves to one another, she then invited Vera to get up onto the bed and raise her shirt, lowering her skirt a little too when she was comfortable.  
With her tummy exposed, the small and developing bump revealed, the cold, bloody hell it was cold, gel applied, the lady then started the process of moving the transducer over Vera's tummy, this feeling causing the governor to take Joan's hand, the detective sat on the chair next to the bed, keeping a firm yet supportive grip of the smaller hand in hers, offering her partner a reassuring smile, despite the fact she could feel her own stomach doing somersaults with nerves and excitement, trying to remain calm and composed for Vera.

 

A few moments later it happened, the image appeared on that small screen, the sonographer describing said image to them both, Vera unable to help the tears that fell down her cheeks, one at seeing the baby on the screen but also relief at hearing that everything seemed fine, measurements were all good, there was no sign at all of any abnormalities, and the heartbeat sounded fine too.

 

Joan herself couldn't help but swipe away a few tears as she saw the image of the baby on the screen, feeling the pangs of relief sweep over her on hearing that everything was fine, this was also the case for the blood test that had been done on Vera, the results of these were also clear, giving the mum and baby a clean bill of health.  
Seeing the tears in Joan's eyes, Vera squeezed her partners hand supportively, returning the kiss to her fingers that the detective had offered her before they'd been called through for their appointment, this simple gesture meaning a lot to the older woman, for as strong as she was this kind of thing helped her in times such as this, times when she needed a little support too.

 

With all checks done and Vera's file filled in, another scan appointment booked for further along in her pregnancy, they were free to go, both women leaving the room, hand in hand, Vera clutching a copy of the scan picture in her free hand, both of them having another look at it and then at each other, sharing a little kiss and then a broad smile to the other woman.


	19. Chapter 19

Weekends that were work free.  
The prospect of lay ins.  
No alarms.  
No having to get up if you didn't want to.  
Two full days were your own.  
To do whatever you felt like doing.  
A little.  
Or a lot.  
The choice was yours.  
Both women had gotten the weekend off.  
Together.  
Blinking her eyes open, Vera squinted into the bedroom.  
The bedroom that wasn't her own.  
It was Joan's.

 

She'd come around to her partners last night, both of them deciding that it'd be nice to wake up together on a Saturday morning where neither of them had to depart early to go to work, they could both laze around and then decide what if any plans they wanted to make.

 

Pulling the duvet back, she rose from the bed, making her way on the short trip to the en suite bathroom, not bothering to turn the light on, one because it was too painful on your half asleep eyes, two because Joan was sleeping and Vera hadn't closed the bathroom door behind her, and three because some of the early morning sun was just beginning to peak its tip and cast a faint shadow at the top of the curtains in the bedroom.

 

Washing her hands, she padded back to bed, slipping back under the duvet laying on her left side facing into the bedroom, then scooting back into a sleeping Joan who was also on laying in the same position.  
Feeling her partner cuddle into her, Joan sleepily put her arms around Vera, the governor pulling the long arms that bit more around her, loving how strong and secure they felt, thinking that the detective hands were also so soft, they looked so nice, such a nice pair of hands.

 

With Vera now settled in her arms, Joan settled her hands on her partners lower stomach, said stomach which had definitely started showing signs of her pregnancy, the usually slim and small figure of Vera, now being replace by a swollen baby bump, which was causing her work trousers to become too tight and have to be replaced by new, bigger fitting ones, as well as bigger breasts, now for Vera this was a novelty, over the years all the time she'd wished for bigger ones and bam here they were, and they could and probably would carry on growing some more, especially considering this was just considered the beginning of pregnancy.

 

The soft and nice feeling hands resting on her stomach, Vera scooted back tighter against her partner, putting her smaller hands over Joan's and then inching them down until they were stopped at the waistband of her knickers, it was this feeling that made Joan open her eyes.

 

Saying nothing the detective dips her fingertips under the waistband, her fingers being long enough from here to stretch easily into the governors curls, this contact gaining a murmur from the woman she was led behind, an approving one at that, this being teamed with single buck of Vera's hips back against her front.

 

Inching her partners knickers down her crotch and to the top of her thighs, Vera herself aiding to get them down her legs and then onto the floor, a flick of her foot and they were discarded, her body back to where it'd started, Joan's hands then being under her vest, cupping and massaging her breasts, a very soft tweak of her nipples once or twice, aware that they might be sore for her and not wanting to cause pain. Releasing her breasts she trailed her hands down and over her stomach, Joan herself feeling a mixture of arousal and a fuzzy warmness come through her very being, getting to touch the rounded stomach of her partner and thinking that it suited the governor very much.

 

Passing underneath Vera's stomach and then brushing through her dark curls, this action and where she could feel Joan's hands and where they were perilously close to was making Vera's breathing that bit more shallow and quicker, Joan's lips kissing the spot just below her ear and then onto her shoulder, causing Vera to reach her left arm behind and thread her fingers through the dark hair of the detective getting to keep her and her kisses that bit closer, loving the feel of them.

 

Long fingers through Vera's wetness causing a series of soft moans from the woman herself, her hips bucking and asking for more from Joan, searching for the friction and touch she needed, and she got it, sooner than she thought, this being in the form of Joan circling her clit, Vera's hips once again reacting, desperately wanting the fingers bringing her pleasure to be a millimetre lower and where she felt herself pulsating for her partner, she needed with all she was right then and there to feel Joan's touch against her clit.

 

Joan knew what she wanted.  
She could hear it.  
Feel it.  
Sense it.  
So she obliged.

 

She circled once more and then touches directly on the jutting pearl that was at her mercy, literally aching for her, just like the smaller woman herself was, Vera moaning in pleasure at the contact, her hips bucking faster and faster as she felt her climax approaching at the speed of a steam train, panting as she expressed this to Joan herself, these words encouraging the detective even more, not that hearing and feeling her partner almost at the point of orgasm from her touch alone wasn't the ultimate encouragement, these things combined were succeeding in turning Joan on, feeling herself becoming more and more aroused the more she continued, moaning softly in Vera's ear.

 

Suddenly there was a hand down the front of her knickers as she ground against Vera's bum, the governors hand wasting no time in rubbing against her clit, the sensitivity of said bundle of nerves was at an all time high, this wouldn't take long at all.

 

Hands working in tandem, fingers timed to perfection, just like their hips, talk about in sync, they couldn't have been more so if they'd had tried, both women panting hard, moans filling the air of the bedroom, beads of sweat over both foreheads with their exertions.

 

With a few more movements of dexterous hands over each other and both women climaxed together, moaning and arching at the dual sensations, pleasure holding them temporarily incapacitated, breathless, unable to speak.

 

They lay together, silent, well apart from the sounds of laboured breathing, both coming down from their highs, Vera being the first one to speak.

 

"N...No one has made me feel....feel like that before..." she managed, then trying to regulate her breathing once again, moistening her lips with her tongue.  
"I could say...say exactly the same to you too" Joan replied, swallowing to try and moisten her mouth and throat, Vera for all of the inexperienced she claimed to have certainly didn't come across that way in the manner she'd just touched Joan.

 

Snuggling back into Joan's arms, Vera pulled the strong arms back around her again, to the place and position they'd started off, the detective's hands feeling nice against her skin and resting on her small bump, Joan entwining their fingers, and giving the nape of Vera's neck a gentle kiss, snuggling into the smaller woman, both women laying with the other and letting their breathing continue to recover.


	20. Chapter 20

A leisurely walk around the park near to Joan's house on Saturday afternoon, the sun shining brightly in the sky, giving off pleasant warm rays, these rays feeling nice over the faces of the two women who were walking hand in hand together, having done a few laps of the park, they decided to head back, they'd got a relaxed and chilled night planned together, these two words had recently become none existent for either woman, work had been that busy they hadn't had time for themselves over the past couple of weeks let alone each other, but with Vera's pregnancy and Joan feeling equally as tired, this had started to change them both, they needed more time for each other, they wanted it, didn't want to be stuck at work and not with one another, they needed more time off, to take their holidays, enjoy relaxation time, time when the word work wasn't mentioned, didn't need to be mentioned because it didn't factor in either woman's plans or their minds, a break from being at and even thinking of work, giving instructions that this was their time, that emergencies were to be passed over to the people actually at work at that time, not to either of them, the staff and seniors could cope, they'd have too.

 

Vera didn't think that this kind of thing would happen to her, the simple thing of spending the weekend with your other half, your partner, she'd seen it often enough be it on TV, or walking around the shops when she'd nipped into grab a couple of items, or even so far as seeing couples together on her way to work at weekends, how happy they looked, happy together, then this kind of things greeted her at work, some of the officers married and the none married ones talking about plans they had for after their shifts with their other halves, meals out, meals in, going out or just staying in, sometimes it felt like everyone had someone else in their lives and plans besides being at work, everyone except her.

 

Yet now here she was, having made her way back to Joan's, just the two of them, hand in hand all the way, and she was going to be one of those people who had plans on a Saturday night to have a cosy and relaxed time with their partners, ordering a takeaway and cuddling up together, yes Vera Bennett was now one of those people!

 

Both women changed into their comfy clothes, and then made their way back to sit on Joan's sofa, trying to decide between them what they wanted to eat, a few takeaway menus opened on laps as they browsed through them. It was weekend and neither woman wanted to waste time on cooking when they could be spending it with each other, plus it was a treat for them both, an opportunity for them to laze on the large sofa whilst someone else cooked and delivered their food, a win win for both of them!

 

After deciding what they were going to eat, it was ordered and an hour or so later the large coffee table in the living room was covered with various dishes that both women had chosen, Vera had made her way into the kitchen for the cutlery and a couple of plates, returning to Joan's side on the sofa.

 

"Do you think we've got enough here or should we have ordered a little bit more?" Joan joked looking between the food on the table and her partner, this causing Vera to laugh.  
"Somehow I think we'll have just enough here, just" she replied, Joan now was the one who was laughing, stealing a kiss from the governor, both of them starting to spoon various amounts of all the dishes onto their plates, happily eating their fill.

 

Plates, cutlery and the remaining food taken back to the kitchen and in the relevant places, Vera retook her place next to the detective, cuddling up to one another as Joan started the film that they'd chosen to watch, the older woman after a short time coming to be leaning and cuddled into Vera more than the other way around, finding a comfortable spot with her head nestled into the crook of Vera's neck.

 

An arm wrapped around Joan, Vera stroked a hand lazily through the silky hair of her girlfriend, loving the texture and feeling of it through her fingers, it glided. The film had been on a while, the glow of the TV and a couple of candles flickering around the room the only lights in the room, illuminating it just enough, and she'd not heard anything or felt much movement from the woman in her arms, just as she was going to open her mouth to ask if she was ok, she stopped before a word left her lips, looking down at the sight before her of Joan fast asleep cuddled into her, one of the detectives strong arms were draped across her small bump, her hand splayed over Vera's left hip, breathing slow and steady totally relaxed in her arms.

 

A happy smile spread across the lips of the governor, not wanting to wake or disturb her, wanting also to be able to look at her like this some more, Vera leans down and places a tender and lingering kiss on her forehead, loving the softness of the skin under her lips, so much so that she allows herself to close her eyes as she kisses the other woman, pausing for a few seconds and then pulling away.

 

"I can't say that I've ever had another woman fall asleep in my arms because I haven't, you're the first, and I wouldn't have wanted it to be anyone else".


	21. Chapter 21

The next few weeks carried on rather nicely in terms of both women working and making time to see one another, trying to find the work and life balance, especially since neither wanted to not get to spend time with the other woman, the fact that they found themselves missing one another as soon as they'd parted be it from a simple coffee date that they'd arranged at lunch time together, or a phone call at night, they couldn't spend too long apart, it wasn't an option despite what shift pattern and hours they may have at work, they'd make time, they needed to make time.

 

So they did make this time, they continued to spend time at each others' houses, taking turns to divide time between Joan's and Vera's places, as well as starting to think about as well as pick up little essential items and clothes for the baby, both women had talked and decided that this was something that was going to be much better and easier to start and get organised now, rather than later and not be prepared, expecting a baby and being unprepared didn't go together well especially on leaving buying things for him or her to the last minute.

 

Vera had been out during her lunch and made a little detour to one of the nearby shopping centres, taking this time to go to a couple of the baby shops that were in here. Going into the actual shops was a strange feeling, a weird, surreal feeling, these were places that she never ever imagined herself going in. She was Vera Bennett, the woman who no one was interested in, the one who blended into the background, just came into work and did her job, then went home to an empty house, ate on her own, went to bed on her own and then got up the following morning alone to repeat the whole process again, but now here she was a few months pregnant with her bump beginning to properly show, walking into baby shops in the shopping centre and buying things for her own unborn child, all this with a partner into the bargain, this partner being a brilliant female detective who was one if not the best woman she'd ever met in her life, someone despite her suppressed sexuality, her hiding who she was, had shown an interest in her, an attraction, and voiced said attraction, giving her patience and kindness amongst many other things, showing her a dare she say it growing love that she'd never experienced before, not even from her own mother, Joan sticking by her and the child, despite the fact Vera thought that she'd walk away, leave her all alone, yet she was still here and the governor felt as though they were becoming stronger as a couple little by little.

 

She'd found herself unable to help look at and then buy certain baby things whenever she was out at the supermarket or out in general, she'd already purchased a couple of items in neutral colours due to having not discovered the sex of the baby yet, her next scan was booked in and both women had decided that they wanted to find out the sex, both taking time off work to go together, Joan adamant that she wasn't missing it for anything, she wanted to be there.

 

Allowing herself a few moments of relaxation before continuing her work, Vera leaned back in her plush office chair, grateful for every inch of its padding as she headed into the second trimester and her back had begun to get the odd twinge in it, something she wasn't used to at all before she was pregnant, she gave a little sigh of relief as she enjoyed how big and comfortable said chair was. Settled in a comfortable position sat in her chair Vera held the cream baby grow that she bought, smiling to herself as she looked over the item, her fingers feeling the softness of it, then running said fingers over the embroidered star design in the middle of the chest, the little buttons on the left shoulder, how small it actually was blowing her mind, babies were such small and delicate things, so tiny and cute, she was going to have one of these of her own not long from now.

 

A few more minutes of looking at it she folded it neatly and put it back in its bag, then lowered said bag onto the floor next to her chair and desk, telling herself that she did have to actually get back to doing some work, paperwork at this particular time, oh the joys of running a prison and being buried under admin work, still having to do some despite having a secretary.

 

Sitting at her desk and having began to start working through the paper mountain, the office in silence, the only sound being the secretary who was on the other side of the windows working away at her own computer, answering the phone now and again. Then Vera's own mobile rang from where it lay on her desk to the left of her, pausing her writing she pen down her pen and picked up said phone, frowning softly as she looked at the incoming call, an unknown number, usually she wouldn't answer these kinds of calls but this time she did.

 

"Hello?".  
"Hello is this Ms Vera Bennett?" said the female voice on the other end of the phone, well the woman seemed to know who she was ringing, that made Vera feel that bit better, but this wasn't to last.

 

After confirming that she was Vera Bennett, the governor listened to the woman on the other end of the phone speaking, her blue eyes starting to widen almost in slow motion, the conversation over within a couple of minutes, Vera getting straight up from her chair, mobile straight into her handbag as she picked it up from the floor along with the bag with the baby grow in, roughly grabbing her coat from the coat stand in the corner of the room and dashing from the office, telling her secretary she was finishing early.


	22. Chapter 22

Her car parked in the first space she found in the car park, Vera grabbed her handbag from the front passenger seat, got out of her car, locking it and then dashing as quickly as she could, her bump and changing body making her a little more cautious about dashing around and rushing, but not giving this situation much thought in terms of moving as quickly as she could.   
Power walking towards the reception as she entered the building, hearing her name just as she got there, this making her turn to her right and see who this was.  
The person calling her name was a man with light brown, short cropped, slightly spiky hair, a little bit younger than herself, well built and dressed in a suit and tie, the governor acknowledging that yes she was Vera.

 

He introduced himself as Todd Swift, a colleague of Joan's, he is a DC in the police. 

 

This seemed to trigger Vera into babbling and asking all sorts of questions about where Joan is, can she see her, how badly is she injured, that she needs to see her, what has happened, and not wanting to be stood in the middle of A&E doing nothing when she hasn't seen her.

 

Todd then started to try to do his best to calm the woman in front of him down, after a few moments he managed to do just this enough to be able to say to her.  
"If you follow me I'll take you straight through to see her, she's been taken into one of the cubicle's, they rushed her through when they heard she was a detective and had been injured on duty" this being sufficient enough to quiet Vera for the moment, following alongside him and to where Joan was.

 

As they walked through the double doors and into the main part of the A&E, Vera listened or attempted to listen as much as she could in her haze of panic and worry at what is happening or has happened to her partner. Todd explaining how they'd been to a house to conduct an interview with someone who was to do with a case they're working on, during their time there another family member arrived, someone who had a record and was known to them and this man wasn't very happy at seeing the police in their family members house, things quickly heated up and got a bit frenetic, this man took it upon himself to express how he felt then and there for the detective's in his space, setting his sights on Joan, this resulting in him attacking her, luckily Todd was able to deploy his pepper spray as well as press his emergency back up button, a couple of police officers nearby coming to his and Joan's aid and arrested the man, as Todd rushed a battered and bruised Joan to A&E, his lights and sirens on all the way, and this is where himself and Vera were at now, that's one phone call to the governor he wasn't anticipating having to make when he arrived for work this morning.

 

Pausing at the bed with the curtain pulled around it that Joan occupied, Todd saw Vera pause with him and give him a look, one that wondered and was asking why he'd stopped, he softly goes onto tell her that Joan doesn't physically look in the best way right now, but it looks a lot worse at the moment because it has just happened, he wanted to prepare Vera for seeing Joan's injuries and cuts and bruises, he'd seen them and the older woman was a bit battered, bloodied and bruised, not the woman her partner the governor had last seen, and knowing she was pregnant, a bit of news Joan had told him and only him, wanted to be on the safe side so she didn't go into shock and panic at the sight.

 

With Vera giving a nod and then clasping her hands together, Todd pulled the curtain a little so they could see Joan and move behind it, letting Vera go first, the moving of said curtain revealing the detective led on the trolley on the other side, her shirt out of her suit trousers, a bit ripped and bloodied, no suit coat, this being draped over the headboard behind her, her dark hair messy, a black left eye, cut to her lip and blood on her face and under her nose, slight swelling on her face. 

 

On seeing her girlfriend she gave Vera a pained smile, or as near to a smile as she could manage in the state she currently was in. The sudden sight of Joan as she was in front of her, the opposite of how she'd last seen her shocked the younger woman, causing her to gasp and feel her eyes flood with tears, mumbling about feeling a little light headed, Todd taking her arm to steady her as she gathered or tried to gather herself together for a few moments, on hearing and seeing Vera and wanting to help, Joan winced in pain and held her side and ribs, attempting to somehow sit up and move towards her pregnant girlfriend, a nurse coming behind the curtain to administer pain relief stopping her, telling her she needs to rest and let the meds start to work, Joan's eyes on Vera obvious worry in them for her.

 

Making her way down from the foot of the trolley to beside Joan, Vera wandered her eyes over Joan and her injuries, Todd departing to go and look for a chair for her to sit on and some water, the governor perching on the side of the bed for the moment, putting down her hand bag and cupping her girlfriend's right cheek, watching her lean into the touch, a watery smile on the detectives face, followed by a couple of tears escaping her eyes, a combination of pain and emotion, and the fact Vera was here and her comforting touch. 

 

"Are you ok?" came the question laced with emotion from Joan, swallowing the lump in her throat. "Are you both ok?" wanting to know that her and the baby were ok, despite being in the state she was she needed to find out that the two most important people in her life were well first and foremost.  
"We're ok" gently kissing Joan's forehead and then pulling back to look into those big brown eyes. "I just got a bit shocked and upset when I first saw you, I hate seeing you hurt in anyway, the blood and bruises just surprised me, caught me off guard, that's all" not wanting to Joan to worry about her, since she was herself worried enough about the detective.

 

"Is she going to be alright?" Vera asked the nurse who was just finishing off the routine monitoring tests on the older woman, looking towards the governor at the question.  
Sensing and hearing the concern that Vera had the nurse gave her a comforting smile and a little nod in response.  
"Yes she's going to be fine, she's got a couple of suspected fractured ribs, a black eye, a cut on her lip, various other cuts and bruises, but as strange as it sounds it looks worse than it actually is, it's more superficial injuries than anything else. We're going to send her for an X-ray to double check the fractured ribs and confirm what we think, and then if that's all ok and that's all it is, then we'll clean her up and then discharge her as long as she's got or going to have adequate care, and someone to take her home, and with you here that's obviously not going to be a problem we'll have" giving another kind smile as Vera thanked her and then she departed Joan's bedside, making sure the curtain was pulled back around after she'd gone outside of it.

 

Not having heard anything from her girlfriend as she'd spoken to the nurse, Vera looked to the older woman on the bed, the governor gave a smile to see Joan who had now fallen asleep, the pain relief she'd been given had worked how it should have done, allowing the detective to relax and get some much needed rest until she was going to have her ribs x-rayed.

 

"I'm going to look after you, both of us will" leaning to gently kiss Joan's forehead as she perched on the side of her bed, her hand over the top of the larger one of her girlfriends'.


	23. Chapter 23

With Joan taken off to X-ray, Vera and Todd were sat together at the empty bedside of the detective.

 

"Are you feeling any better now?" he asked, having been concerned for the governor's welfare after she looked like she might have collapsed after seeing Joan for the first time.  
"Yes thank you" draining the last of the plastic cup of water that Todd had brought her along with the chair she was sat on. "Sorry about how I reacted, I was just shocked at seeing her in the state she's in, I guess I didn't expect her injuries to look as bad, I've never seen something like it before".

 

She'd never seen Joan like this and didn't think she would either, the older woman looking so vulnerable, it being a big example of the type of situation and person that Joan faces in her job, the people she's investigating and trying to put behind bars, Vera seeing for herself in all its glory how dangerous the job is, just what dangerous situations that the detective goes into, in order to keep herself and the rest of the public safe, this thought along with all the others, add in hormones, caused the governor to feel herself getting emotional, wiping her eyes as she did so, fully knowing that she had company in one of Joan's friends and colleagues.

 

Todd smiled sympathetically at her, retrieving a tissue from the box on the stand next to Joan's bed, handing it to the small woman.

 

"Are you ok?" watching Vera dab at her eyes and then look at him, nodding at the same time.  
"Y...Yes...thank you. I'm...I'm just worried about her, what if...what if they find something different on the X-Ray, what if it's serious and something happens to her, something that causes me to lose her and that leaves me all alone with the baby, then what?" her voice heightening as she got herself more and more worked up, the panic rising in her as her overthinking took over.

 

"Hey...let's just settle down, this is Joan we're talking about here, and the doctors and nurses know what they're doing, they're the experts and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have been as positive had they thought they were going to be some other results on these tests. Plus Joan isn't going anywhere, you're joking aren't you, this is nothing to her, literal scrapes and bruises, she's a tough one is Joan, she'll be back soon and the results will show that everything is as it should be, it'll be alright Vera" doing his best to try and reassure her, thinking that since they'd first arrived here and the doctors had assessed the detective, it'd seemed it was more of a case of looking worse than it actually was, something that had been positive for him to hear, this is something he was trying to communicate to Vera. 

 

"Sorry...I'm sorry" she apologised, going on to accepting that what he was saying was right, that he was speaking sense about Joan, that she was made of strong stuff, and would no doubt be alright just like the nurses and doctors were saying, that all her injuries that whilst looking nasty were probably more superficial than anything else and luckily she'd escaped without any serious internal injuries, another thing the staff at the hospital were saying.

 

Todd gives her a little smile, an understanding one.

 

"She talks about you all the time to me y'know. Generally she's a private person at work and in general and that's definitely the case, but when it's just her and I, maybe a couple of the other team she's always singing your praises, says how amazing she thinks you are, how beautiful you are. Yeah she's definitely very very smitten with you, she adores you, so much so that she's even got a picture of you both in a frame on her desk in her office" watching Vera's reaction at this new piece of information, the governor had only just found out about the picture, although it was something she didn't know she loves the fact it's something that Joan has, that she's on the detectives mind and desk, even at work, just as 

 

Joan had said a few times that she thinks about her and them all the time.

 

A smile erupted over the governors face, one that was verging on a grin truth be told, her eyes to Todd.

 

"I've never known anyone like her before, I didn't think I ever would to be honest, she's something else and I'm equally smitten with her. She's absolutely amazing, the most amazing woman that I've ever known, she's so kind and generous, very understanding, especially given the circumstances with me, I'd be very lost without her" Todd seeing how Vera's face changed when she spoke about her girlfriend, the way her face softened and the smile stayed on her lips, the praise that turned into gushing, freely gushing about the detective. 

 

Vera finding herself able to talk to him easily, being able to express her feelings for Joan and knowing that he'd understand what she felt for her, him being a close friend and colleague of the older woman, his name had been mentioned in Joan speaking about work, someone that Joan had a lot of time and respect for, Vera being able to see why this was in the short time she'd spent with him, finding him a kind, helpful and nice guy.

 

Breaking their conversation was the woman in question, Joan being wheeled back into her cubicle on her bed.

 

"Oh talk of the devil here she is, she's back again" this cheeky remark causing another smile from Vera, even Joan herself offering a little smile at the comment.

 

A short while later the doctor was in the cubicle with the three of them, telling them the news that everything is showing up fine as they thought on the X-ray, there wasn't any other internal injuries apart from the couple of fractured ribs that they knew about, add in Joan's cuts and bruises and that was the extent of things, whilst not the best thing it was a good outcome in terms of what could have happened to her, she'd gotten away with what they'd class as minor injuries given the violent and dangerous circumstances.

 

The doctor going on to say that the detective would be being prescribed strong painkillers, and some time off work in order for her to heal and rest, give everything a chance to settle down. 

 

Of course Joan wasn't exactly sure about this time off work speak, attempting to object to such a suggestion, but ended up wincing in pain at her own protest, enter Vera being the one to step in and comfort her, telling her in no uncertain terms that she's in no fit state right now to go into work, that it won't harm her to listen to the doctor and be off, that she needs looking after and that's exactly what she's going to do.

 

Hearing this coming from Vera and knowing her girlfriend was right, Joan relented and listened, succumbing to the pain and feeling drained physically and emotionally by all that had happened to her in the past few hours, leaning into Vera's arms as the governor sat on the bed beside her, her head on the smaller woman's shoulder, closing her eyes as she felt Vera's tightening grip, the tender kiss on her forehead.

 

Looking on at the sight before him as the doctor departed, Todd smiled to himself seeing Joan with Vera, the fact that the governor comforts her so well, that the usually strong and steely detective is like putty in her hands, that she listens to what she says, that she lets her guard down and allows herself to be looked after and be the one who needs the tender loving care, that she doesn't have to be the strong one all the time, that sometimes even Joan Ferguson needs looking after.


	24. Chapter 24

Another hour or so later, the waiting seeming to go slower and slower, or the fact that every other patient around them was being discharged, eventually the nurse comes around and discharges Joan, setting out her after care plan, informing the patient and Vera of the painkillers she needed to take, the rest she'd need and telling them how long the detective would be off work, this news causing Todd to crack a joke about him holding the fort and keeping things running just as Joan liked whilst she was recovering, that the rest wouldn't harm her at all, that Vera was the ideal person to look after her.

 

The three of them making their way to the main entrance of the hospital, luckily it wasn't far from the A&E department, seen as Joan was walking gingerly and slowly due to her injuries, her ribs being the main source of her pain and discomfort, insisting that she walked or at least tried to walk herself, agreeing with Vera that if it became too much she'd allow herself to be pushed to the car in a wheelchair, if only for the journey to the car.

 

After thanking Todd and saying goodbye to him once they'd reached Vera's car, he headed for home himself, having been at Joan's side the entire time his friend and colleague was being treated in the hospital, the two women then getting into the governors car, Vera driving them back to her house, taking a little detour to Joan's house on the way there so the older woman could collect some clothes and things she needed.

 

Not long after making their way through the door, both women head upstairs to bed for some rest, Vera helping Joan out of her clothes, to her underwear and then helping her put her t shirt on for bed, then getting into her own bed vest, both women then cuddling up together in Vera's bed, the older woman nuzzling into her girlfriend, holding on that bit tighter than she normally would.

 

Vera frowns lightly to herself as she feels the woman in her arms beginning to tremble, looking down as she hears a noise from Joan, recognising it then as cries, cries that are trying to be stifled from the detective.

 

"Joan, Joan what is it, what's wrong, what's the matter?" the concern evident in her voice, wanting to know what the matter was, wanting to help.

 

After a few moments of silence and a few sniffles, Joan opens her mouth to speak, keeping her position against Vera as she does so.

 

"When he... when he was attacking me and then I was rushed to hospital, all the doctors and nurses around me, all....all I could think of was you, you and the baby, you were both all I could see, I could think of, your face flashing through my mind..." taking a breath before she continued. "About how...how I didn't want to not be able to see you again, to see either of you again if my injuries were going to turn out to be life threateningly serious. I couldn't cope with the fact they might not be able to contact you and tell you that I was here, that I needed you with me and for some reason you weren't able to get to hospital and then I was alone and I'd lost you, your comfort, you being here with me" the painful thoughts making Joan break down again and bury her face that bit more into Vera's neck, not used to anyone ever seeing this side of her and certainly not the woman she loved.  
Keeping Joan close and cradling her head against her body, kissing her hair Vera gently soothed her girlfriend, offering her words of comfort as she did so.

 

Vera knew Joan as this strong and smart detective, someone who was tough and had to be due to the nature of her job, she couldn't show any weakness or vulnerability in terms of dealing with the nasty criminals that she did, she had to wear her work face around them and others at all times, part and parcel of the job she did and it was natural given the tasks and cases she faced every single day and had over the years. But then there was the other side of her, the Joan underneath her work 'mask', the real woman underneath all that, the vulnerable woman, the woman that despite being an experienced detective with years of service behind her, who'd seen all manner of things that people shouldn't see in their lifetime, she was still human, she was still a woman with emotions, a human being that gets frightened, that has things that make her feel vulnerable, that needs looking after just as she looks after everyone else, she still requires these basic things and in this life threatening situation, one where she wasn't sure what was going to happen to her, she wanted and needed Vera, the one person that she trusted, the one who could offer her the comfort that she required, the love and soothing that she craved, just as the younger woman was offering at that very moment.

 

"It's all alright, it's all ok Joan..." Vera started, her voice laced with love and comfort, holding the older woman against her still. "I'm right here, we both are and we're not going anywhere, neither of us are, you'll never lose us, ever. You're going to be just fine I heard the doctors say so, you just need some time to recover, and it doesn't matter how long that is, I'm going to be here with you every step of the way, always. I'll look after you, take care of you because that's my job, and you look after me so well, me and the baby so of course I'll look after you exactly the same, I'll always do this, because I love you" her blue eyes dropping down to look at the woman in her arms, the now quiet and sleeping woman, Joan a picture of peace as her steady breathing and closed eyes showed just how peaceful and safe she was and felt in Vera's arms, this bringing a smile to the younger woman, leaning down and softly kissing Joan's forehead being careful not to disturb her. 

 

"I do love you Joan" she whispered, her lips against the soft skin of her girlfriend.


End file.
